The Legendary Sakura Haruno
by mandisenpai5145
Summary: On her latest heist of "relocating" an ancient scroll, Sakura Haruno, world class thief gets sucked into a dimension that is so not the 21st century she is used to. There she meets a bunch of fools claiming she is their missing teammate. Crazy right? UNDER CONSTRUCTION!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1.**

 **Sakura's POV**

My life is officially shit. After months of searching for this stupid Otsutsuki scroll in an ancient shrine buried deep within the Fuji Mountain, I, Dr. Sakura Haruno, have fucked up. Not your normal _"I'll figure it out"_ fucked up, it's the big _"holy shit, life flashing before your eyes, heart full of regrets"_ type of fucked up. Yep, that's me. Gagged, bound to a chair with a possible concussion and about to be tortured and raped by a bunch odd looking chaps. Now, this would be a situation where I would normally be able to handle myself, being ranked amongst the best thieves of the 21st century. But nothing and I do mean nothing has prepared me to handle the situation I am now faced with. The last thing I saw before I passed out again is a swirling red eye and a purple eye, like seriously.. Wtf?

 _"I think she's waking up. Sasuke, is it really her?"_ the blonde loudmouth yelled at his teammate. _"Hn"_ responded the last Uchiha. _"You ever met anyone with pink hair dumbass?"_ The lazy genius responded. _"This is such a drag"._

 **Sasuke's POV**

Walking up the pink haired girl, no woman, Sasuke admits to himself as he leans forward to remove the gag from his supposedly dead teammate. Naruto, Kakashi and himself have grieved for their fallen teammate and friend. After searching for years, with no leads and dead-ends, we were forced to give up. We even had a funeral for her, even though her body was never recovered. I guess I now know why there was never a body. This person tied to that chair could be an imposter, a really good one because while I was tying her up, I took the liberty to locate the tiny little tattoo of my clan symbol very low on her right hip. We would be dealing with an S-Ranked ninja or organization to make a near perfect replica of Sakura. It's near perfect because her Yin seal is missing and her hair is now long like when they were younger. She is wearing some strange clothes as well, a thin light beige shirt knotted just above her belly button, paired with a slightly darker beige shorts exposing her very toned legs and a pair of brown boots tied to her feet. Her body has definitely changed since she was sixteen. That was around the time I got very acquainted with it. She filled out nicely, if it was she, that is. Standing in front of her unconscious form, she is inches away from my grasp. I'm just barely holding on to my need for her, not just her body, which I missed dearly, but her laughter and sweet smiles, her temper and those large green eyes he could lose himself in. I reach out to remove the gag and I allow my fingers to brush her soft lips. Fuck, I miss her mouth, those soft lips wrapped around my cock… stop it Sasuke! It might not be her. She is beginning to wake up now, her breathing is beginning to quicken and her eyes flutter open. Its green, definitely green, I didn't even notice how close my face was to her now but I don't care. Its been so long being in her presence. She even smells like my Sakura. That was the last pleasant thought I had before a large forehead comes crashing down on his too close face. She hits like her too. To bad his face had to pay the price of finding that out.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hey everyone! I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. I made some changes to Chapter 1 (should have checked it over before posting it ) Prepare yourselves for a shit ton of swearing!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

 **Chapter 2**

 **Sakura's POV**

 _"You were getting a little to close for comfort pretty boy, I would apologies for the nose but that's not my style. Please reframe from invading my personal space. Did not end well for the last person who tried that shit. Now, would one of you care to explain where I am, what do you want from me, why the fuck are you dressed like that and why the_ _ **FUCK**_ _am I tied to a fucking chair!"_ my temper flaring at the end.

They just stood there and stared at me. My harsh breathing could be heard as I waited for my answers. I stared back at them harshly, my face twisted in fury as they continued with the surprised stares. The hot one whose nose I busted was not even blinking, it was freaking me out. The blonde's mouth was wide open and the other guy's unlit cigarette fell out his mouth.

I was about to repeat my self when the blonde spoke first. _"Who are you and what did you do to our Sakura-chan?"_ What? They clearly saw the confusion written on my face. _"What are you talking about dumbass, my name is Sakura! Dr. Fucking Sakura Haruno and drop the 'chan', I don't know you like that"_ More staring. This was starting to really piss me off.

A door suddenly opened and a silver haired man with a mask covering his mouth and nose like one of those ninjas I saw on TV walked in; great, another genius interrogator with a questionable wardrobe choice. _"I hope you are better at this than these idiots, I don't have all fucking day"_ I say to the newcomer. _"My my, quite the potty mouth you have, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"_ he drawled. _"Haha No, I kiss your wife's pussy with it, now can you please explain to me why I'm getting the third degree?"_ I deadpanned. A choking sound emitted from the blonde, his mouth opening wider.

 **Naruto's POV**

She said 'pussy'. What the Fuck? She also said 'fuck'. She also busted Sasuke's nose. She has on some weird clothes and her pink hair has grown out. Her yin seal is missing and her vocabulary has taken a serious turn in the gutter. She has to be an imposter.

My shock was wearing off only to be replaced with a searing hot wave of absolute furry. Who could be so heartless to taunt us like this? The pain losing our precious cherry blossom is still fresh and raw in my mind; I never got over it, never stopped thinking of her laughter and her temper. My love for her was different from the love Sasuke had for her, she was like my sister, ours to protect and cherish.

When she disappeared, my world stopped. This was a pain that was unbearable, if it wasn't for Sasuke and Hinata, I would have rampaged and be lost to insanity. I could feel Kurama's chakra flaring with my building rage at the person who did this to our Sakura-chan. As the flaming glow of Kurama's chakra covered me, I saw the fear filled eyes of the pink haired girl in front of him.

Her eyes were popping out of her head, her breathing stopped as she gaped at me in absolute terror. This is wrong; she has seen this happen countless times in the past! What is going on? An ear splitting scream, which earned me a swift punch to the gut from Sasuke, which snapped me back down to earth as I retracted the malevolent chakra and halted my confusion and rage.

" _Sakura-chan, please, I didn't mean it..please don't be scared of me, I'll never hurt you, believe it"_ I tried to calm her down, but she just screamed like a crazy person. What the fuck is really going on? Why doesn't she recognize us?

 **Sakura's POV**

Holy fucking shit, the blonde just set himself on fire! His eyes changed shape, even his fucking clothes changed, and he is on fire for fuck sake! Being the logical person that I am, I did what was completely logical at that moment. I screamed. Gut wrenching, blood curdling, punk ass scream. This seems to snap everyone into motion; the pretty boy punches him in the stomach and the flame like matter around him retracted inside him. This made me scream more.

WTF is going on in this place! Did they drug me or something? The blonde is now trying to talk to me, but I'm a bit too hysterical at the moment to think coherently. He steps closer to me and I can't take it, it's too much, I attempt to break free of my bindings but it won't budge. That freak show better keep his distance from me, now way I'm letting that one near my hot ass.

I need to stop screaming like a little bitch, I am a doctor (kind off) for fuck sake, calm the fuck down Sakura! I'm a fucking survivor **CHA!** Pep talk done, breathe, time to fuck with these jokers' heads. They obviously have me confused with someone else, I need answers and I need out of this fucking chair. I really don't like being tied to things.

 _"OK you Fantastic Four reject, you need to back the fuck of. You stay right where you are. Don't come any closer."_ _You, in back with the awful excuse for a ponytail, what is going on?, I demand you answer me!"_

I'm kind of sounding a little hysterical right now, but I've seen a lot of shit and I have never seen shit like that! He looks to the wannabe ninja _(these guys must be Yakuza, who did I piss off in the Yakuza?)_ and gets the Ok to talk (so the ninja wannabe must be the boss)

Pineapple head steps forward, with his arms still crossed. _" Please state your name."_ I thought I told the blonde idiot already _"my name is Dr. Sakura Haruno and to save you the time, I live in New York City (lie, they don't need to know where I live_ ) _I am and archaeologist (not officially, but again, they don't need to know that, I don't want to know how they would react to me being a super awesome thief). My birthday is March 28th and I'm an Aries (true). I am not a terrorist (depends on who you ask), if I stumbled crossed your boarder or something, it was not intentional, you can check my bag for my credentials if you don't believe me. If you find any guns and some weed, that's not mine I was just holding that for a friend "_

The blonde asked while scratching his head _" what's a gun, dattabayo? "_ He doesn't know what a gun is? I look down and notice my guns are still in the holsters and if those were there, I would bet my back ups are still in my bag along with my ammo. This is just perfect! I smirked to myself. They really are a bunch of idiots _._

 _"it's a sex toy"_ I responded with an innocent smile. It was the silver haired man's turn to choke. The pretty boy is practically murdering me with his freaky eyes; what the fuck is his problem? Anyways, it looks like it won't take much effort to shock these people. They must not have access to the internet. Damm, that's messed up, no Youtube!

 _"Can I ask a question now? Where am I exactly, am I in Japan still? You assholes better pray I'm not in Korea again, it was just a little misunderstanding ok, no need to get your panties twisted." The pineapple head answered me, " I have never heard of those places you just named, you were discovered 5 miles north of Konoha, where you where apprehended by our ANBU and brought here for questioning. You see, Dr. Haruno, you share a striking resemblance to a teammate of ours who went missing 10 years ago. What is also strange is that she was also a Dr. the best in medical ninjutsu and ran Konoha's hospital. Now, Sakura, do you recognize any of us?"_

Trying my hardest not to lose my shit, my head pounding with the information I was just given. Konoha? Medical ninjutsu? Never heard of Japan? Do I know these clowns?

 _" Sakura"_ oh boy, the way he says my name cause a shiver down my spine, I better be on my guard around the pretty boy. _"Answer the question"_ shit, his voice is so sexy, I wonder how big his dick is? I am literally eye raping the dark haired pretty boy; he is one hot piece of ass. Stop it! Focus.

 _" Where exactly is Konoha? And no, I don't recognize any of you, I would definitely remember that one"_ I nod my head to the pretty boy. _"I'm in Russia aren't I. Fuck! OK listen; it was just a little misunderstanding. How the heck was I supposed to know he was a politician's son? If anything it's his fault he can no longer procreate, should have kept his hands and dick to himself."_ Awesome, confuse them with bullshit.

" _Sakura, you are in the hidden leaf village, I don't know of a place called Russia. My name is Kakashi Hatake, I'm the Sixth Hokage of the Hidden Leaf. I have been your sensei and friend since you were 12. These are your teammates, Uzamaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke. We are Team 7. We fought in the Fourth Ninja War. You punched a goddess. This is_ _Shikamaru Nara_ _, one of the rookie 9, smartest ninja in the hidden leaf. You are the 2nd smartest; you also trained under the Fifth Hokage, Senju Tsunade and surpassed her in medical ninjutsu and strength. You, along with Sasuke and Naruto are the new sannin and heroes of the war. Does any of this ring any bells? "_ You've got to be fucking kidding me.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hey everyone! Hope you guys are enjoying the series so far. If you notice some grammatical errors, please bare with me; I have been writing and editing these stories during my lunch break so far. This chapter will be written at home so hopefully it's better than the first two.**

 **I'm very new to writing so please review! I would love to hear your opinions. Also, thank you to the reviews I have so far, I really really appreciate it! It means a lot that you took the time to acknowledge my attempt at writing.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto!**

 **Chapter 3**

 **Sakura's POV**

 _"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"_ and I burst out laughing. I'm being held captive by a bunch of fucking crackheads. This is just great. "You're seriously telling me that you're ninjas! "HA! And I'm Mother -fucking -Theresa!"

I can't stop laughing! Oh my god, this poor drugged up old man thinks I'm one of their little ninja crackheads. They must be on some new strain of coke or LSD or something.

Whatever it is, these idiots sure believe in their fantasy. But wait a minute; they all have the same drug fantasy? That's odd; must be some really strong shit.

Oh FUCK! DRUGS! That's it; they're a drug cartel. A fucking Russian drug mob! Holy shit, they could kill my ass and my kidneys would be sold on the black market! I have a lot of enemies; they could sell me to Korea. Hell fucking no! I am not going back to Korea!

How the fuck did I end up with a drug cartel? What the hell happened? I was in a cave opening a scroll I was hired to 'relocate'. Everything is a bit fuzzy and I still don't know how I ended up here! By all accounts, it makes no sense. I'll have to think about that after I get away from these crackheads. I need to assess the situation and then make my move.

OK, first of, they are somewhat convinced I'm their lost crackhead ninja friend, Sakura. I'll just prove that I'm not her, which shouldn't be so difficult seeing that they are flabbergasted every time I open my mouth. I can use it to my advantage.

Secondly, they think they're ninjas, even better, I'll just get one of them to prove it. Whatever drug these guys are on must be very advanced, the blonde must be extra high on that new shit because he just spontaneously combusted not to long ago. Humm, could be something like in that movie I watched a while ago, what was it again? Hummm I think it was Lucy, yea. She had some new drug in her stomach and next thing you know, BAM! she's a fucking God. Yea, must be a Lucy drug. That explains the flaming crackhead.

With my laughter dying down, and I slowly take in the enemies. The old one calls himself Kakashi and he is ruler of the crackhead ninjas; Hokage crackhead. The blonde is called Naruto; he is the flaming crackhead.

Pineapple head is Shikamaru, he hasn't said much so I guess he is the chill crackhead and last but certainly not least, is Sasuke Uchiha. Fucking Abercrombie and Fitch looking hot piece of ass crackhead. Damm he is so fine! Even his name is sexy, OH! I think he just caught me eye raping him again hehe. Damm! I just wanna climb that like a tree!

Well, let's get this show on the road. _"ahhh hahahaha, you got jokes old man. Haha well if you crackheads, I mean guys are ninjas, show me what you got. Do some ninja shit."_

This is gonna be good, I wish I had my phone to record this shit. "Some 'ninja shit'" Kakashi deadpanned. _"OK, I see no harm in a little demonstration. Guys, go easy on her, I don't know how much her mind can handle at the moment. She seems a little unstable."_

Sasuke was the first to step forward. He brought his hands up and moved his fingers so swiftly that I can barely make out the movements (the drugs must give him super speed or something) and he said " _Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu_ " and he put his fingers by the side of his mouth and breathed out a ball of fire.

Well fuck me sideways. I roll my eyes _"Is that supposed to convince me you're a super ninja? Nice try buddy, but I've seen dicks bigger than that little circus trick you got there." "Tch"_ he grumbled. _"We're in a small enclosed space"_. _"Yea yea, whatever makes you sleep at night princess."_

On to the next crackzilla _"Step fourth Shikamaru, WOW me with your superb ninja abilities"_ I asked sarcastically. _"Troublesome woman"_ he mumbled. He did some fast hand movements like Sasuke and he yelled " _Kageshibari no Jutsu_ " Nothing happened. His dosage must be low _. "Naruto, untie her."_

Humph, figures. So much for being ninjas, I was kinda looking forward to seeing Naruto set himself on fire again. Oh well, this was certainly something for the books.

 _" Well boys, it's been a pleasure. I'll give you my number, call me if you need something relocated or need recommendations for a good psychologist. I also heard of this amazing rehab in Malibu; you can walk on the beach, do some yoga, think about it."_ I said as Naruto untied me. _"You could always smoke some weed, you don't need to be on any crazy shit, you got your whole life ahead of you. I'm talking to you especially blondie; setting yourself on fire and getting all angry and shit, you need to chill. Weed is awesome; I'll hook you up."_

This went down better that I thought, I said to myself as I attempted to get up. Hummm? Didn't the flaming crackhead untie me just now? I look down and I am untied. But why can't I move?

I try harder, nothing. My fingers won't even twitch. What the hell! I try struggling a little more, but nothing is moving. Panic starts' settling in when I notice Shikamaru's shadow is looking a bit weird. Straining my eyes to look down because I can't move my neck either, I notice his shadow is connected to mine.

What the actual fuck? That's not normal. _"I have you bound with my shadow, in case you're wondering."_ The pineapple head smirked at me. _"I'm bound by your shadow?"_ I squeaked. A shiver runs up my spine, that's defiantly not normal. _"That's really fucked up man. I think you need to find a priest; like right now, and sort that shit out."_

Before I can say anything else, Naruto, who is still behind me yelled _"_ _Oiroke Gyaku Hāremu no Jutsu_ _"_ A large puff of smoke engulfs the room and suddenly, my crackhead are posing suggestively in front off my face. It was a fucking sausage party!

Nah ahh..No. Hell fucking no! Impossible! I feel a hand on my shoulder and dark hair brushing against my cheek and a familiar sexy voice whispers in my ear, _" What is a sex toy Sakura-chan?"_

My head is pounding again. This is impossible. Sasuke is behind me where Naruto was, but I can see him with his arms crossed next to Shikamaru who is still doing the evil shadow thing. But they are also naked versions of them swinging their meat in my face!

And what the fuck is Kakashi doing on the ceiling! When did that happen? How is it happening? He is fucking upside down; his freaky robes are deifying gravity as well! He's just there with his arms crossed standing on the ceiling. Batman has nothing on that crackhead.

" _Tch"_ The clothed Sasuke scoffs, _" dope! How many time have I told you about using me in that disgusting jutsu" "Awww, come on teme, this jutsu is the most awesome jutsu to ever be created dattabayo_! The blonde yelled somewhere behind me.

This is too much; I can't breathe. A man breathing fire, I can deal with but I cannot even begin to comprehend the others. I can't think. I'm hyperventilating and the room is spinning. And then its hits me; "DRUGS! I'm the one that's drugged! Oh my God! I can't breathe. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! I have the "Lucy" drug in my stomach! I so fucking dead! And then I pass out.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hi everyone! Sorry this one was posted so late, had a really busy weekend. Please Please review! All your feedback is much appreciated. Thank you for the reviews! I'm so glad you find my sense of humor entertaining. Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

 **Chapter 4**

 **Kakashi's POV**

 _"Hokage-sama, Haruno-san has been warded at the hospital, with four ANBU on guard. These were in her possession when we apprehended her"_ the masked ANBU says as he hands me a bag pack and a scroll.

 _"Hai, alert me immediately when she wakes. Dismissed_ " I say to the ANBU and her disappears in a puff of smoke.

 _" Who wants to go first?"_ I ask as I stare at the three shinobi standing in front of me. I shouldn't have asked as the blonde loudmouth exploded.

 _"Kakashi-sensai, what the hell! She actually fainted from seeing ninjutsu! It's like she got her memory wiped out!"_

 _"It's strongly believe it's her, but I'll have to agree with Naruto with regards to her memory. What's also troubling is her change in personality. From what I've gathered from our interrogation, she was hired to steal that scroll, I'm guessing, and she ended up here. Does something like that sound familiar to you, Sasuke?"_ asked the lazy genius.

 _"Hun"_ the last Uchiha grunted. _"Care to elaborate Sasuke?"_ I asked. _"Another dimension."_ he says quietly.

 _"That would explain why we never found any trace of her"_ Shikamaru responds. _"What is more troubling is how she wound up in another dimension, and how she got back."_

 _"Yea, but what kind of messed up place Sakura-chan was trapped in to change her like that"_ screamed Naruto. _"She said the word 'pussy' dattabayo! And I don't think she meant the cute four-legged animal!"_

" Tch" Sasuke grunted. _"It does not matter to me how she is now, all that matters is that its her. I am certain it is her."_

" _How are you so sure Sasuke?"_ I slyly ask. I have a suspicion of the answer but it gives me great joy to see the emotionally constipated Sasuke Uchiha squirm.

" _Tch. I would have told you eventually but she disappeared. I placed a tattoo infused with my chakra on her body, and she placed one on mine with her chakra. It is a sacred ritual of marriage off the Uchiha Clan. I looked for it when she was unconscious; it was in the exact spot where I put it and felt my chakra in it. I also felt her chakra pulse in mine the when she appeared."_ He responds.

" _She wanted to wait to tell everyone when were a bit older to make it official seeing that we were so young, but under Uchiha law, Sakura legally is my wife and the new Uchiha Matriarch."_

"WHHHHAAAATTT! YOU SNEAKY BADTARD! YOU GOT MARRIED TO MY PRECIOUS SAKURA-CHAN WHITHOUT TELLING YOUR BEST FRIEND!

"SHE IS NOT YOURS YOU IDIOT! SHE IS MINE!

" _Boys! Calm down. Please do not forget where you are. Sasuke, you should have told me about this. I am your Hokage and Sakura is my favorite little student who you married behind our backs. Please explain why you didn't tell me anything or anyone about this?"_

" _Tsunade"_ he deadpanned. _"I see."_ I sigh with understanding. _"You would have been missing some important 'clan restoration' parts if she found out you deflowered her innocent little apprentice."_

"SASUKE TEME! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO SAKURA-CHAN" Naruto cried, large tears pouring from his eyes.

" _Do you really want to know how I did it to her dobe?"_ the raven haired Uchiha smirked.

"WELL DON'T DO IT AGAIN!" Naruto screeched.

"SHE IS MY FUCKING WIFE! I CAN DO IT WITH HER WHENEVER I WANT YO DUMBASS" Sasuke screamed at his best friend, his sharingan swirling angrily.

"IS THAT SO TEME? AREN'T YOU FORGETING SOMETHING IMPORTANT? SHE HAS NO MEMORY OF ANY OF US! SO WHO IS THE DUMBASS NOW DUMBASS!"

" _Tch, minor set back"_

" _This is such a drag, can I leave now?_

" _Dismissed"_ I really need a drink.

Sakura's POV

" _Mmmm Sasuke-kun, again? You're insatiable"_

" _Ahem"_

My eyes shot open at the sound only to be met by a pair of large tits in my face. _"Ahhhhhh, what the fuck Pamela Anderson! Get your tits out of my face."_

 **SMACK!** _"Is that anyway to speak to your master you little brat!"_

Oh no, it's another one. I moan to myself as I rub the lump forming on my head. " _Fucking crazy big tity bitch, why did you have to hit me so hard? Can't you see I'm suffering a mental fucking breakdown! Do you have any idea what I've just seen! A crackhead was standing on the fucking ceiling! Give me a break lady!"_ I yelled.

" _Grow a pair Sakura! I did not take on a weakling for an apprentice."_

I calmed down a bit, still rubbing my aching head, and took in the new comer. Damm that bitch got quite a pair. Her arms were crossed, pushing them together those monstrous tits. Eyes moving up to her face, I take in her light blonde hair, warm honey eyes, and diamond birthmark on her forehead. Hold the fuck up, diamond birthmark on her forehead; just like mine. It's even in the same spot. Holy shit!

 _"Are you my mom?"_

 _"Sakura, don't you remember me? Hummm I guess I shouldn't be hitting you on the head if you have memory loss"_ the blonde mumbled that last bit to herself.

 _"Ya think! Have all your brain cells migrated to your tits you Pornhub reject!"_

 _"_ _ **SMACK**_ _! Watch your tone young lady"_

 _"Hey! Not on the head!_ I whined _. " Your very abusive for a mom. So are you?"_

 _"Why do you think I'm your mother?"_

I grabbed the sheet and started rubbing off the makeup I have on my forehead. _"I have the same birthmark; it's the same shape, same color and it's in the same spot."_ I admitted; my eyes stinging from unshed tears. I stopped crying a long time ago and I'm not going to start now.

 _"Sakura, sweetheart; my name is Tusnade Senju, retired fifth Hokage of the Hidden Leaf. I am not your biological mother, but I love you like my own flesh and blood."_ her hand reaching up to stroke my cheek. " _You are my apprentice and that mark on your forehead is no birthmark; it is your Yin seal; a symbol of your strength. I have taught you everything I know and you have surpassed me in every way. I am so proud of you Sakura, and I've missed you so much."_ She said as she pulled me in a soft embrace. It feels nice and I allow the hug to continue.

I don't think I've been hugged like this before. It feels good. But is this even real? I can't get my hopes up.

 _"Tusnade? Is there a large quantity of super Lucy drugs in my body?"_

 _"What are you talking about Sakura?" she asks as she pulls my face to look at her._

 _"Well you see, I have this theory that I'm drugged because I was being interrogated by these people who claim to be ninjas, and they think I'm their ninja comrade. And Tusnade, they did some crazy fucking shit. I think Shikamaru needs an exorcism or you need to call the Winchester brothers or something because that shadow thing is beyond fucking drugs. And Naruto was on fire and then there was a bunch of naked guys. There was so much sausage Tusanade!"_

 _"OK, take some deep breaths and calm didn't drug you Sakura. What you saw was ninjutsu. Now tell me, what do you remember about your life? We'll figure it out together OK. "_

I nod my head at her. She's right; things are not adding up. There are a lot of things from my past that don't make any sense; things I've turned a blind eye to. I need help to sort out this mess. She let's me go and takes a seat in the chair next to the bed I'm in.

 _"Well honestly, I don't really remember my childhood very clearly. I remember waking up in a hospital when I was around sixteen with my only clear memory being my name._

 _I was told that some tourists close to a Japanese forest called Aokigahara found me. The rest is just surviving. I had no one. I grew up on the streets, doing what I had to do to survive._

 _I realized I had a talent for sneaking into places without being detected; a talent like that is very high in demand, so I supplied my services to the highest bidder and built a name for myself, I did that and saved up and sent myself to school. Turns out I'm pretty smart as well, so I got accepted into some of the best colleges in the country._

 _I majored in medicine and then archeology. Everything was going so good for me; I was top of my class and had a bright future considering the shit life I had before. One night while studying in the library one of my history professor attempted to put his hands down my cookie jar._

 _Don't worry, I broke his hands in four places and procreation will be quite difficult for him. However that was just the beginning of a downward spiral. You see, my professor was drinking buddies with the Dean and I got thrown out of school before I could finish my research._

 _I decided that an honest living is a fucking joke and started my career as a relocater of ancient artifacts and heads._

 _With regards to how I ended up here, wherever the heck 'here' is; I got a job to relocate an ancient Otsutsuki Clan scroll from a hidden shrine deep within the Fiji Mountains in Japan that was recently discovered. I managed to find the scroll, which was booby-trapped like a motherfucker._

 _A warning sign I should have heeded, but I did it anyways cause the paycheck was too good to refuse. The problem was, I wasn't the only one looking for it._

 _While I was being shot at, I fucking tripped on a lose stone and fell. The scroll must have opened from the momentum of the fall. Next thing you know, I waking up in a forest, then some masked assholes show up and fucking knocked me out; when I do wake up, I'm tied to a fucking chair being interrogated by a bunch of idiots. And now I'm talking to you. In a hospital, with no stomach full of Lucy drugs. So I am not in a drug induced hallucination and this conversation is actually happening._

 _"I see. Don't worry Sakura; we will sort out this mess. I will run some tests to determine the level of damage to your memory. In the meantime, try to relax and don't over exert yourself."_

 _"Tusnade? If this place is real, and I'm really from here; where are my family?"_ I asked.

 _"I'm so sorry Sakura, but your parents died during an attack on the village. You were an only child."_

 _"Oh, I see"_ it's sad but, I've been alone so long, so it's not that bad I guess.

 _"With regards to your family; you have plenty. We may not be blood relation but you are still ours. Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi are your family, they will always have your back."_

 _"Thank you, Tusnade, it's not so crazy now that it's sinking in"_

 _"This is a lot to take in. Wherever you were have changed you, but you are strong."_ wow. I've never had someone to comfort me before. It's making me all fuzzy inside.

 _"OK, I have one more question. Do you have a mark like the one on my hip? Does it give me super ninja powers?"_

 _"What mark? Show me."_

I lift up my hospital gown and show her the little fan shaped tattoo on my right hip. _"When I regained consciousness, it started to sting. It never did that before. Is it a ninja mark? It's gonna so LIT if I can set myself on fire like Naruto!"_ I look up to see a very angry Tusnade."

"UCHIHA FUCKING SASUKE! I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile at Ichiraku...

"Hey, what's the matter Teme?"

"Hun, I just got a sharp pain in my left nut."

"Oh, that's not good. It's a bad omen dattabayo."

" What do you mean?"

"I remember getting a pain in my left nut the day Hinata's dad found out we were dating. He tried to castrate me."

"Hun, I hope he was successful. Just imagine your spawn set loose in the village yelling Dattabayo."

"Fuck you Teme! I could handle Hiashi-san. You have to deal will Tusnade Baa-chan dattabayo. Ohhhhhh, Sasuke Teme, do you know who is going to be treating Sakura-chan in the hospital?"

"Fuck, I'm going to die."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: So Sorry this one took so long, I have a shit ton of work this week so working on fanfiction in the office is a no no for me at the moment. This one is not as funny as the others but bare with me, I have some hilarious scenes planned out for this story. There will be some grammatical errors as I am typing this pretty late and I'm tired. Just thought I'll give you guys fair warning.**

 **Also, would you be interested in a fanfic that portrays a darker more sadistic Sakura? Let me know in the reviews. Oh, and let me know if you are interested in a cover artwork for this story. I haven't done any digital paintings is a while and would love to get back on that horse. Enjoy the story and please review!**

 **There will be slight (very slight) lime is this chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

 **Chapter 5**

 **Sakura's POV**

I can't sleep. I mean, how could anyone sleep after the shit that is my life hits the fan? I'm lying in a hospital bed, in the Hidden Leaf village, with a million thoughts swimming through my head.

How do I even begin to deal with this mess? Well, I do actually know how to begin, but my weed is in my bag pack, which I don't have with me right now. Memo to self; get my shit back as soon as possible. _"Arrrgghhh! This is so fucked up!"_

" _Hun, I agree"_ a voice responds.

I gasp and make a grab for my gun, which is now missing. " **FUCK!** "

" _Are you looking for this?"_ stepping into the moonlight, Sasuke strides up to my bed and sits at the end waving my gun in front of me.

" _Its strange that you would protect yourself with a sex toy Sakura. What were you going to do me if you had it in your hands; Fuck me to death?"_ he smirked at me. Still playing with my gun.

" _Sasuke slowly put the fucking gun down."_ I clenched through my teeth. I guess he could sense my nervousness as he attempts to hand me my gun. The idiot is pointing the barrel at me and the fucking safety is off. My hands instinctively shoot in front of me.

" _Don't point it at me idiot, and take your finger of the trigger slowly unless you want to get intimately acquainted with my brain."_ I choke out.

" _Sakura, what the fuck is this thing?"_ he asked as he removed his finger from the trigger. Before he can even blink, I reach out and quickly disarm him. Gun safely in my knowledgeable hands, I take off the safety and put it back on the side table within my reach.

" _Do not touch my shit. EVER!"_

" _Tch, I just want to see what kind of weapon it is."_ He said as he turned his head away from me and crossed his arms like a petulant child.

" _Piss me off enough and a demonstration could be arranged"_ I deadpanned.

" _I didn't come here to fight with you."_ He closed his eyes and sighed. _" How are you coping?"_

I shut my eyes and sigh deeply. _"Sasuke, this is a lot of to process. Where I come from or where I was, people can't stand on ceilings and create a bunch of naked dudes out of thin air. I'm even questioning my sanity for fuck sake!"_

 _"Ah, I understand. So, you don't remember me?"_ He asks softly.

 _" I'm sorry Sasuke, I don't. Tsunade said Kakashi, Naruto and you are the closest I have to a family here. I would not mind getting to know you all better, I was kinda of a loner back home."_ I admitted quietly.

 _"Yes, we are a family."_

 _"Sasuke, what kind of relationship we shared?"_ I asked seriously.

 _"What do you mean?"_ he asks, not meeting my eyes.

 _" Give me some fucking credit here, I am not an idiot. The symbol you wear on your back is etched into my skin. Care to elaborate?"_

 _" I was going to tell you when you were out of the hospital. You have been given a lot to process. I don't think I should add to your stress."_

 _"Hey, whatever it is, I can handle it."_

 _" Sakura, have you noticed you're in the hospital?"_ he deadpanned.

 _" It can't be as bad as the sausage party."_

He turns and finally meets my eyes. _"You're my wife."_

Wife? Shit! I was expecting fuck-buddies, not this shit!

 _" Ohh. I see. Tell me, dear husband, is it common practice to brand your spouse like cattle?"_

 _"Hun, your mark is on me as well."_ he lifts his shirt to show me the mark on his heart. It's a small outline of a circle. Holy fuck he is so ripped. I'm eye raping him again. Would it be rape? If he is my husband, I can objectify him anytime I want..hehe.

 _" That's awesome. How long we've been together?"_ I manage to choke out.

 _" We've known each other since we were kids, we were teammates. When I left the village to avenge my family we were not on good speaking terms. Right after the war, we reunited when I decided to come back in aid of Konoha. And we got married when we came home, secretly. We were 16 when we decided to marry. Well I was, you were 17."_

 _" We got married when we were teenagers? We went to fucking war first? Dude, what the actual fuck! We were kids still!"_

 _" That is what I just said. We are shinobi Sakura, our life span is not that long, so getting married at that age is not uncommon"_

 _"OK, did we, you know, did we have sex?"_

He smirked and leaned in closely _"you couldn't keep your hands of me."_

 _"Tch, bet you couldn't keep your hands to yourself either. I'm hot too ya know"_

 _" I know."_ he said, while his lustful gaze bored into mine, _" you have grown even more beautiful."_ he whispered as his eyes move down my body. Hoy shit, I'm being eye raped by finest piece of ass to walk this earth. Breathe!

I gulped. Oh God, I'm MARRIED to that. I definitely need some weed. He is so close to me now I can practically smell him, and it's so fucking good.

I feel his hand sliding up my leg and his lips on my neck. It feels so good I'm literally melting. His traveling hand inches higher, grazing the edge of my underwear. This snaps me out of my lustful haze. He feels my body stiffen and he stops and looks at me, his eyes glazed with lust.

 _" Umm, Sasuke, we may be married but I still don't know you at all."_ I said softly to him. His face relaxed and his head nod with understanding.

He leans close to my ear, breathing in the sent of my hair as he whispered seductively, _" I will give you time to adjust, but make no mistake, you are mine. 10 years is long time to go without one's wife."_ I gulp loudly as he gets up and moves to the window. _"Try to get some sleep Sakura."_ I could only nod my head like an idiot as he disappears through the window. Fuck the weed, I him inside me.

This conversation with Sasuke all but confirms it. I am a crackhead ninja. I lay back down on the bed, closed my eyes and let that sink in. My confusion is replaced with furry, 0 to 100 real quick. My life was ripped away from me, fucking twice. Whoever did this will have hell to pay; this bitch is getting her pound of flesh.

I ended up here because of that fucking scroll, I just know it; if I got here via scroll then I must have gotten to that world via another scroll. I guess scroll travel is common here. I really need to get my stuff back. I just hope my electronics work here; I need to analyze the scroll for clues.

As a rule, I always run background checks on possible clients before I accept a job; I could show Sasuke the data I have to see if anything rings any bells. My lack of memory is becoming a huge pain in my fucking ass as well; I need to hurry that process with Tsunade. If a man can stand on a ceiling, reversing amnesia should be a no brainer.

Also, if I'm a ninja, then I need to tap into my ninja superpowers. Kakashi and Tsunade claimed to have trained me in my past so they will have to do so again till I can properly defend myself. I don't have much ammo left from the little shoot out in the shrine so I'm going to need new weapons in the meantime.

I have a shit-ton of questions for Sasuke still; I can't see myself forgiving so easily. He said he left the village to avenge his family and came back to help during the war, that's a serious time gap for me to up and forgive so easily. This is going to be difficult, I'm not good with emotional bullshit, my raging hormones are not helping either. I need my memory back before I make any moves with the sexy Uchiha.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Sakura's POV**

Noise. I thought hospitals were supposed to be quiet. My eyes slowly blink open to see a pair of blue eyes blinking back at me.

 _"Flaming crackhead?"_ I asked, my voice still heavy with sleep.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

 **WACK!**

" ARE YOU TRYING TO BLOW OUT MY EARDRUMS YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT?

The blonde loudmouth rubs his head at looks at me with puppy dog eyes, his lower lip trembling with emotion "

" _Sakura-chan, I knew it was you all along, believe it! No one hits like you, well except Tsunade-baa chan. "_

 **WACK**

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT BRAT?"

I rub the sleep out of my eyes and take in my visitors; Naruto, Tsunade and Shikamaru. It's to early for this shit.

" Am I going to be held for questioning again?" I ask Shikamaru.

"No, I came to return your bag. We have the scroll in our possession still for analyzing"

My ears perk up at that bit of information. _"I've been researching that scroll for some time now. I would like to be allowed to assist with the analyzing. I also have the background check I ran from the client who hired me. Can you send Sasuke to assist with that as well?_

" _That should not be a problem. When you're discharged Naruto will escort you to intelligence for de-briefing."_

They have an intelligence unit, interesting. This place is more advanced than I thought.

I nod my head in agreement. He nods back and leaves the room.

"Hey Sakura-chan?"

I turn to look over at Naruto whose eyes are glazed over with unshed tears. "What's the matter Naruto?" I ask softly.

In a rush of movement too fast for my eyes to see, I feel myself being enclosed in a pair of strong arms. His body shaking with silent sobs, I instinctively return the embrace. It feels so natural in his arms, not lustful like being in Sasuke's presence; just warm and comforting, like Tsunade's.

I rub his back gently and he tightens his embrace. _"I never gave up on you, I knew you would come back somehow. I missed you so much"_ he cried into my shoulder.

I feel my eyes begin to water. I feel; I feel like I've come home. It's to much as I feel wetness sliding down my cheek. I haven't cried in so long; then again, I've never had a family before. Naruto, he is my family; I can feel it.

I pull back to stare at him. He has the brightest smile plastered on his face; it makes me smile too. _"Stop slobbering all over me dumbass"_ I chuckled at him.

" _Sakura-chan, you're still a crazy bitch"_ he bantered at me. We burst in a fit of giggles like a couple of schoolgirls.

I really need to remember him. I pulled from his embrace and turned to Tsunade who was standing there with her arms crossed across her gargantuan tits choking back her own tears. We sure are a bunch of sissies today.

" _Tsunade, are you going to try to figure out my memory issue today?"_

" _Not today, I have already scanned your system and found no abnormalities. Your chakra pathways are clear and functioning, so using jutsus should be easy enough for you to accomplish, as a matter of fact, you have a shit ton of chakra stored in your seal right now, you could flick a mountain and it would turn to dust."_ The blonde said proudly.

My mouth hangs open. I have super strength! Fucking AWESOME!

" _I want to try another method of unlocking your memories but that is a bit more invasive. Also,_ _Ino Yamanaka is out on a mission right now, she will be back in a couple of days. She will be doing the procedure. In the meantime, I'm going to discharge you."_

" _Umm Tsunade, where will I be staying exactly? Do I have a house?"_

" _She is staying with me."_ A new voice says. I turn to meet the stare of the very sexy Uchiha Sasuke.

" _Sasuke teme, the door was open ya know, was the window entry really necessary?"_

" _Shut up dobe."_

"Well well well, look what the cat dragged in. I supposed you informed my apprentice of her relationship with you?

"Hun"

" _You are due a physical before your next mission Uchiha. Don't be late."_ She smirked evilly as she too left the room.

" _Tch, whatever"_ the raven-haired man responded coolly; he's totally fucked.

" _Sasuke teme, you're fucked"_ Naruto snickered. I find myself giggling at his possible demise.

Ignoring Naruto, he turns to Sakura and drops a bag on her bed. "I bought you some clothes, go change and I'll take you home."

"Where is home exactly"

"With me"

I gulped loudly again. At least I'll have my weed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The walk to 'the Uchiha compound was really nice, I got a to see parts of the village, which was kind of odd considering the shit I've seen since I got here.

Everything looked like a blast in the past. Traditional Japanese street shops, the architecture of buildings looks like it belongs in another time. The roads were also unpaved and free of cars; I haven't even seen a bicycle. The confusing thing was that there was electricity, radios and colored television and cell phones. It's fucking weird and I'm trying my best to keep my shit together. I mean, your roads are unpaved, you walk on ceilings and have cell phones! That's fucked up.

The compound was even weirder; it looked like a village within a village, except the buildings was empty. It was like a ghost town with a few creepy ass cats staring me straight in my fucking eyes as if they want to start some shit.

"Psst, Sakura-chan." I slow down to let Naruto come closer. He looks around to make sure Sasuke can't hear.

"What is it Naruto?" I whisper back at him.

"You feel it to don't you? Like eyes are following you around dattabayo."

"Yea man, it's freaking me out a little bit. Why is this place so empty?"

"I don't want to go into detail, but Sasuke's entire clan was slaughtered. I think this place is haunted believe it!"

"WTF Naruto! Why the fuck am I even staying here, let me stay at your place! Don't leave me here in this haunted place!"

"You do know that I can hear you guys." Sasuke interject, not even bothering to turn around.

"hehe, sorry teme"

We walk till I see this huge Japanese mansion surrounded by slightly smaller houses similar in design. We take of our shoes and step inside to an immaculately clean and minimal interior.

"Wow, this is a nice place you got here Sasuke"

"It belongs to you as well Sakura."

"Ohhh yea, perks of marriage I guess."

Suddenly he was behind me "that's not the only perk, Sakura."

"Hey, knock it off Uchiha! "

" Are you sure? "

" Jeez teme! Give her a break; she just got released from the hospital dattabayo! "

The blonde ninja yells as he strolled in like he owns the place, plopping himself on the sofa and putting his feet on the coffee table, his hands resting behind his head like he was completely at home.

"Feet of the table dobe"

" _humph_ , your worse than Hinata-hime!"

I'm relieved that Naruto is here, as I'm not to comfortable at staying in a house all alone with that specimen of hotness which is my husband. I don't think I'll be able to resist if he puts the move on me. Also, I hope there are no ghosts in this house.

 _Tap tap tap_

We all turn to see a messenger bird tapping on the window. A text could have been fine, why are they using birds still if they have cell phones?

"Fuck! The old man is sending me on a mission. Sakura just came home, he could have sent you dobe."

"I have Hokage training this week dumbass."

"Tch, fuck!"

"Don't worry teme! I'll stay with Sakura-chan till you come back." he said with a large grin and a thumbs up.

"Fine, give me a minute. Sakura, come this way."

We head down a hallway and show me my room. It's a really nice room, very cozy compared to rest of the decor.

"You can sleep here, when I get back, I'll take a guest room."

"Oh, Sasuke, you don't have to give me your room, I'll take the guest room, it's totally fine."

"Sakura, it's our room. I'll stay in the guest room till necessary. Don't worry about it. I am not sure how long I'll be gone for.

"Hey, I'll be right here when you get back don't look so sad. Naruto is with me, I'll be fine." I offer in comfort when I notice his sad expression. He looks hesitant to leave, like he wants to do something but his mind won't let him. Before he turns to leave he raised his hand and poked me in the forehead. " Till next time, Sakura. "

" Ow, that hurt ya'know! I'll see you when you get back."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Still rubbing my forehead, I plop myself down next to Naruto and sigh deeply. "So, Naruto Uzamaki, how do you set yourself on fire?"

"Huh? Ooohhh, that's not fire, it's Kurama's chakra dattabayo!"

I stare at him blankly. "Care to elaborate?"

"Hehe, sorry. He is the nine tailed demon fox sealed inside of me by my dad, the forth Hokage. He and my mom died doing it to save the village. I grew up with everyone hating me because of it, so I vowed to become the Hokage so everyone would respect me. After I saved the village, everyone started respecting me. Now I'm going to be Hokage dattabayo! "

"That's fucked up man."

I continue to stare at the smiling blonde. He just told me he has a demon in him, put there by his parents who died. He must have balls of steel to still have a simile on his face.

"Depends on how you look at it Sakura-chan."

"And the other guy, with the shadow thing, does he have a demon as well?"

"na, not everyone has that."

"ya'don't say! This place is so weird."

"Tell me about the place you were lost in, it must have been tough."

Tough was the understatement of the year. I'm shocked I'm still alive when I think about the life I have been living. I don't wanna tell Naruto about all the shit I've been through, from what he just told me, he has been served enough fucked up shit to fill a stadium.

"It wasn't so bad" it wasn't an exact lie I think to myself as I flip through all the awesome things the non ninja world has, things I might never see or experience again. Like getting a Chai latte at the Starbucks, surfing, cat videos on YouTube, weed, anticipation for the next season of my favorite TV show..

" Oh hell fucking no!

I bolt upright from my slouched position on the couch, shocking Naruto from his relaxed posture.

He jolts upright as well, and takes in my pained expression, teary eyes and hands fisted in my hair in frustration.

"Sakura chan! What is it? I'm taking you back to the hospital!"

Ignoring his questions, I grab him by the collar and shake him "Naruto!" I wined "oh my God this is a fucking nightmare!"

"What is it? You're freaking me out!"

"I'm never going to know who won the Game of Thrones!" I cried in despair.

"What the fuck is that?"

"Only the best TV show in the history of fucking television!"

Naruto deadpanned "you're upset over a fucking TV show?"

"GAME OF THRONES IS LIFE MOTHER FUCKER!" I yell shaking him harder.

"I'm never going to know if Arya kills everyone on her list or if Jon Snow and Daenerys have an incest baby! Or if the whites kill every fucking one of them because George R.R. Martin is a sick fuck!"

"You're being really fucking weird Sakura chan"

"I'm feeling so depressed Naruto, did you bring my bag?" I asked sadly as I threw myself back on the sofa.

"Yea, I have it right here." he smiles at me nervously. "Just don't hit me dattabayo"

I grab my bag and fish around the hidden pocket to the bottom for the solution to my current problem. As my hand rests on the baggie, I sigh contentedly. I pull out the baggie, paper, lighter and a bag of chips and line it up on the coffee table. "Hey Naruto, you don't have anything important to do for the rest of the day right?"

"Nope, I'm all yours Sakura chan."

"Perfect."

I turn to Naruto and put his hands in mine and stare into his blue eyes. This is going to be a special moment in his life, the first time he smokes dat weed. I think back to my first time and realized I can't actually remember, oh well.

"Uzamaki Naruto."

"Haruno Sakura."

"This is your fist time partaking this sacred herb. I cannot guarantee your safety as shit might get a little crazy."

"Wow, sacred herb dattabayo" he whispers in wonder. I release his hand to open my baggie of weed for him to smell. "I'm the strongest ninja in the world Sakura chan, I can handle this sacred herb!"

"This shit right here, will fuck all your problems in the ass with no lube, its called Trainwreck." I say as he inhales its goodness deeply.

"Ohhh train wreck " he responds absolutely mystified. He observes quietly as I go through the process of rolling a fat one. I make a couple more for later.

"OK, take a hit, then pass it. Just watch me." I light up that joint take a couple of pulls and slouch back down into the sofa, exhaling the smoke, then pass it to the anxious blonde.

I watch him take his first hit and starts coughing. "Go slow Naruto, its like fucking for the first time, nice and easy; try again little grasshopper." he takes another and followed my motion of relaxing into the sofa. He takes another and passes it back to me. Tonight is gonna be Lit AF!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

25 minutes later

2 joints

Fuuucckkkk! I feel like I'm floating! I'm so happy.

"Hey Sakura channnnn, this is sooo awesome, we gotta let the rookies try this!"

"mmm hummm, sure why not, we'll have ourselves a bake sale." she nods her head at me.

"I'm so hungry I could eat a fucking mountain!"

"Tell them to bring snacks.. Hummm and some sake!" she is still nodding her head, so I start to nod mine.

"You're so so smart Sakura chan!" and we burst into a fit of giggles, both still nodding of heads.

"You're so funny Naruto! You're like, really really really awesome. We are best friends now!"

"Hehe, we were always best friends dattabayo!"

"You get everyone and I'm gonna go shower and change. I'll put away the seeds, Sasuke has a nice garden in the back hehehe."

"Leave it to me! I'll get everyone here" I get up and give her a mock salute, and make some shadow clones to get everyone.

"hehe, this really is some strong shit, I'm seeing a bunch of Narutos!"

"What the fuck! Where did all of you come from! I'm freaking out!"

SMACK!

Shut the fuck up you dumbass! You just made us!

Fuck you ugly!

 _Sniff sniff_ stop fighting guys!

"WOULD ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!

"hehe sorry Sakura chan!"

Wow, that weed is awesome; I'm fighting with my clones.

" Where is the fucking shower? Never mind I'll find it! "

" Listen up Naruto clones go get the gang, and tell them Sakura chan is back but has no memory of anything so be cool and don't freak her out with questions and shit. Oh, and let them bring shit loads of snacks and sake dattabayo."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

4 hours later

7 bottles of sake, 5 joints

"Hey Sakura chan! This party is fucking AWESOME! I just saw Shizune do a shot from Tsunade's tits hahahaha!"

The blonde yelled into my ear. I'm impressed with his alcohol and weed tolerance, we've been hitting it hard and he hasn't passed out yet. He is high as fuck though, but then again, so am I and pretty much everyone in Sasuke's house. Sasuke's house hehe and mine.

This all started with just Naruto, some weed and myself. I should have known this would have escalated quickly; they don't call it train wreck for nothing. Shikamaru, Choji, Neji, Hinata, Kiba, Shinobi and Tenten showed up not to long after I got dressed. Apparently they are my ninja friends I don't remember. Thank God naruto filled them in about my memory issues or this night would have sucked ass.

They introduced themselves and treated me as if I wasn't fucked in the head, which I appreciated. Shikamaru said the others were out on missions and would meet them another time. That's fine with me as I probably won't remember who's who when the sun rises. We all Sat down in a circle on the floor and I let Naruto explain how to properly smoke the sacred herb.

I made sure the guy named Neji hit it a little extra cause he needs to fucking relax, you can't be walking around the place with a stick up your ass, that's no fun. Apparently, word got out of our little get together and next thing you know we got ourselves a fucking party! Hazy smoke in the air, music blasting from Sasuke's sound system, which is better than the ones back home and was shocked when I realized my phone could hook up with it. Thank God I brought all my chargers and electronic shit with me. I put on my party playlist and shit started getting really fucking crazy.

"Ahhhh Sakura chan, who da fuck you talking too dattabayo?"

"I'm talking to you mother fucker! It's good to monologue the events of a wicked party every once in a while"

"Ah, I see. Hey Sakura chan, I'm so happy you're back."

"I may not remember everything about you, but I'm glad you're my friend Naruto."

And we hug like little girly bitches.

"Lets do some body shots Naruto!"

"BODY SHOTS MOTHER FUCKERS!

YYYAAAAYYYYYY

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

5 hours later

Fuck it.

"Hey Kiba, who the fuck are those bitches? They've been giving me the stink eye since they got here.

Kiba: hiccup, wa you talking bout?

Shino: Who? Those bitches ov er there? They're just fangirls.

Me: what?

Neji: Fan girls. They want our cocks. The most sought after cock is none other than your Sasuke hehe hehe. The brunette over there stole my underwear and the blonde has a collection of Naruto's empty ramen cups. They're cock hounds, it's messed up.

Naruto: yea, Neji's right. Fucking cock hounds. You would have seen them in action if he were here. The one in front has been hounding Sasuke since you disappeared.

Tenten: it's his house, guess they were expecting him here. I guess they're not too happy your here Sakura.

Me: me? Why... Oh yea.. They want my fucking husband! Those bitches. Disrespecting me in my own fucking house.

Neji: let's go fuck them up Sakura.

Shikamaru: this is not troublesome.

Hinata : let's fuck those whores up! I'm sick of those bitches trying to take what's mine!

Naruto: you're so fucking hot right now Hinata!

Hinata: what the fuck are we waiting for? I got your back Sakura!

Note to self: give the Hyugas more weed, their savages when high.

Shino: it's about to go down.

The crowd parts as we make our way to the fangirls. It was about several of them all huddled together, guess fangirls move in packs, Neji hit the nail on the head with the 'cock hounds' thing.

The head hound shamelessly glares at me with her skinny arms folded over her overexposed chest, her followers copying her movement.

Head hound: well well well, look who decided to show her ugly face back in Konoha. Don't worry pinky, Sasuke-kun was well taken care off. Why don't you do yourself a favor and just go back to wherever you were, Sasuke is mine bitch.

Me: you do realize that's my husband you're referring to right?

Head hound: husband? As if he would marry someone plain like you. What? Aren't you gonna run crying to your blonde loser to protect you?

This bitch has no idea who she's fucking with. This is the new Sakura, and the new Sakura is a fucking savage. I may not know him at all, but he's mine, and I don't fucking share nor do I tolerate disrespect.

Naruto : fuck you bitch!

Head hound: bite me dead last!

Awww hell fucking no!

Me: excuse me fuck face, but this pathetic hobby you and your bitches have of stalking men that don't want your trifling assess needs to stop.

Her eyes widen in shock at my response. My God, I can't believe the old Sakura never defended herself against these hoes. No wonder they walk around harassing other people's men.

Head hound: oh really? And how would you stop us? You gonna kick my ass? If you lay one finger on me, I'm gonna make sure you spend the rest of your life in a cell.

Me: I'm gonna fuck your mother.

Neji: well shit!

Shocked gasped was heard throughout the room as someone turned the volume down to hear the drama. All emotions drop from my face as I fold my arms and tell her who is top dog in this bitch.

Head hound: wha-what?

Me: I'm going to go to your home, introduce myself to your dear mother, we would have tea, jasmine, it's my favorite. We would talk and she would tell me about your impotent dad and how he can't give her real gut wrenching pleasure and I would happily oblige and give her what she needs. I would let her spread my legs and eat my pussy like it was her last fucking meal. Then I would reciprocate. When your dad catches us, he would kill himself and I would move in, making me your new step mom where I would ravage her pussy day in and day out. You wanna chase my husband still bitch? Just fucking try me, I dare you.

Kiba: hahaha hahaha hahaha she's gonna do your mom if you don't back off! Oh my God that's fucking brutal hahahaha...

Me: are you and your gang going to continue with the cock hounding?

A chorus of no's and head nodding could be seen and heard from the fangirls, some were even crying. How pathetic.

Me: great, I'm glad we understand each other. Boys, please restrain them.

I'm a blink of an eye; the boys captured the fangirls and tied their feet and hands. It's really awesome having ninja friends.

Me: however, I cannot let your disrespect go unpunished. You came into my house, try to steal my man, stole Neji's underwear, insulted my bff Naruto, and fucking insulted me in my own party! I can't let that slide.

Hinata : I got a new kunai and I've been waiting to get some blood on it.

Tenten: Yo, you needs to chill girl. I've got a better idea. Sakura, let's take these bitches sight seeing. The Hokagae mountain looks stunning at night.

Me: lead the way.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

2 hours later

And several less bitches in my sick party!

It got crazy because my partner in crime, Naruto, and myself decided it wasn't crazy enough, so we started dropping ecstasy in people's drinks. Hehe, I know right, I always travel prepared for anything.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

1 hour later

Holy shit! Things are out of control, but I don't give a fuck! Neji and Hinata totally made out! Like full-blown tongue action; then I made out with her! Hehehe.

I think Shikamaru is dead, Naruto is running around in his underpants and I'm still making out with Hinata. BEST. PARTY. EVER!

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 _AN: Hi everyone! OMG it's been way to long since I updated this fanfic. I hope you guys had a laugh with this chapter; I made it longer to make up for how long it took me to write it. Honestly I was feeling uninspired with the story but I got more chapters kinda planned out, so it will be getting updates. I didn't edit this at all so there will be errors. Please review! Bye_


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: This chapter is Rated M for strong adult language, lemon and references to drug use.**

 **Chapter 7**

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 _ **Sasuke**_

As my feet cross the threshold of Konoha's large red gate, I knew something was wrong. Everything looks fine, no dead bodies, no destroyed buildings, nothing. What is this nagging feeling that something is not right?

I jump along the rooftops to hand in my report, but I just can't shake this feeling that something is wrong.

That's when I see it. My sharingan activating so I can make out the hanging objects clearly. What the actual fuck?

"COCK HOUNDS"

There on Kakashi's carved out face, several tied up female bodies are dangling from the Hokage Mountain for all to see with a banner tied from one girl to the last with the words "COCK HOUNDS" painted boldly in red. Is that the president of my fan club?

A sharp pain grips my right nut as some ninja attempt to take them down and having a lot of difficulty as the area it's covered in traps.

"Naruto"

Changing course, I immediately run to the Uchiha compound. This can't be good. Those girls have Naruto written all over it! He had one fucking job! Watch Sakura till I get back, I was gone for one fucking night! What would possess him to do something so reckless!

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As I walk into the compound, I stand in utter shock at the caos as I follow the mess which leads to my home. Every other house is covered in fucking toilet paper! I bite my thumb and slam my palm into the ground to summon my family's ninja cats.

In a puff of smoke a black cat with a scarred eye appears in front of me.

"What the fuck happened here and why did you allow it to happen?"

"It was a sick fucking party master Uchiha. I couldn't do anything about it as the lady of the house is the one who hosted it."

"Sakura did this?"

"Yes, she and Dope-san were the hosts Uchiha-san."

"Where are they now?"

"They're passed on in the house."

"Good, get the others and clean this mess up."

"As you wish Uchiha-san. Oh, here is a report on what happened. I am glad lady Sakura is back, that party was da shit! Lost my fucking eye but totally worth it!" and in a puff of smoke, he disappeared.

Flabbergasted, I picked up the rather thick folder my summons left; the sharp pain in my nuts intensified. Flipping through the insanity that went down in my house, I snap the folder shut and thought up all the ways I'm going to punish my wife.

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My house is completely trashed. I try to take deep calming breaths but it's not working. I'm going to burry Naruto in my garden, I hope he wrote his last will and testament because his time on this earth is coming to an end.

Walking silently into the living room, I find them all passed out on the floor. If I wasn't so pissed I would be laughing at the scene in front of me. Not skipping a beat, I pull out my phone and took a selfie.

Turning back around, I find my wife cuddled with my soon to be dead best friend. Why is he in his underwear and why the fuck is Sakura dressed in that outfit? I swore I threw it away.

I think Shikamaru is dead, good. He would keep Naruto company in his grave when I bury him. The fucking Hyugas is not going to be looking each other in the eyes in the near future as he is sprawled on top of his cousins' half naked body, his face pillowed comfortably between her breasts and her legs spread to accommodate his body. Thank God he's wearing clothes. Tenten is fully dressed passed out on the sofa.

I walk over to the sound system and turn the volume on max before I put it on. If they don't wake up from this, I'll set them on fire.

"BITCH I DON'T FUCK WITH YOOOUU! LIL STUPID ASS BITCH, I AIN'T FUCKING WITH YOOOUU! LOL DUMBASS BITCH, I AIN'T FUCKING WITH YOU…"

"What the fuck!"

Naruto and Sakura fly up and get into fighting poses. It's funny considering her outfit, Naruto in frog print underwear and Sakura is wearing the outfit I wore when I was training with Orochimaru. Fuck she looks so good! Thank God her breasts aren't falling out of the deep neckline. They jiggled deliciously when she jumped up.

Neji is trying to block the noise with Hinata's tits, a lifetime of therapy will not be enough for those two when they wake up. Tenten practically levitates of the sofa and as her feet touch solid ground, she dashes out of the house like a bat out of hell and runs to where? Not my fucking problem. Shikamaru makes no movements.

"... I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK..."

"Fucking turn it off dattabayo!"

"Who dafaq put…"

Taking the music off, the dynamic duo turns to meet my deathly stare.

"Sakura, Naruto. Explain."

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Sakura

 _Gulps loudly_

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!_

 _I'm so fucking busted!_

Naruto is fucking shaking like a leaf as we face off with a very angry Uchiha. Fuck! We trashed his house, did illicit drugs, partied so fucking hard! Ohmygosh that party was fucking DOPE! Shit! I'm so dead.

"It was nice knowing ya Sakura-chan!"

"Ah, hehe. H-hey Sasuke, what happened was.."

"I wished I fucked Hinata's tits last night dattabayo"

"we blazed out…some strong shit..."

"I wished I had a bowl of ramen then fucked her tits…"

"... Train wreck…"

"Sakura, you can be Hokage if I don't make it. At least I saw you making out with Hinata, I can die happy dattabayo!"

".. Shit happens . Fucking train wreck ya know…fucking ecstasy hehe hehe.."

NEJI: WOULD YOU FUCKING KEEP IT DOWN! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE. GET OUT OF MY ROOM PEASANTS!

HINATA : Na-naruto kun, stop poking me there, makes me wet.. So loud..

.. _A moment of silence before they realise their situation…..eyes fluttering open...sharp intakes of breath...and shit hits the fan..._

Neji: NO NNNOOOOO OOHH FFUUUKKKKK! NO OOOOOOOOO! YOUR TITS!

Hinata: Neji! YOUR FACE WAS IN MY FUCKING TITS! OH MY FUCKING GOD MY TITS! MY TITS!

Me: It's no Game of Thrones, but I'll take what I can get.

Naruto: Winter has come dattabayo.

Sasuke: Get out.

They left faster than Tenten! Oh my God, it's just Naruto, Sasuke and myself in a trashed house. My life flashes before my eyes. Death by sex god, what a way to go.

"Naruto, do something!" I hissed at my terrified BFF.

"What the fuck do you want me to do?" He cried and big fat tears pour down his face.

"Fucking ANYTHING!"

"OH.. AAAHHHHH, Oh I GOT IT DATTABAYO! Don't you worry Sakura-chan, I got your back!"

"Oh thank God.."

Sasuke just stares at us, his rage building each second as Naruto and I argue with each other as if he's not there. He looks so hot when he's angry! Naruto is smart, It's a good thing he's got my..

"Sakura-chan said she would let you fuck her senseless if you let us of the hook, believe it!"

A devious smirk flashes instantly as those words leave Naruto's traitorous lips. OH SHIT.

"NARUTO!"

"You gotta take one for the team Sakura-chan. You can do it! Take that monster cock like a Boss!" and does a quick dab.

"WTF! YOU VOLUNTEERED ME AS TRIBUTE?"

Without skipping a beat Sasuke flings me over his shoulder and starts walking towards the bedroom. As he leaves, I give Naruto the three fingered salute as his smiling face disappears from view.

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Naruto is exaggerating right? It can't be that big? _Yes it could be! He's fucking 6'5, of course he's hung you idiot!_

His manhandling is making me so hot I can't even think coherently. He kicks open the door and tosses me on the bed, his eyes trail down my body committing everything to memory. The definite 'click' of the door locking seals my fate. The rustling of clothes clears up the fog in my head as I snap my bright green eyes to a half naked man tugging his pants down, looking hotter than fucking sin and he knows it as a wicked smirk tugs his lips.

"Sakura, do you want me to stop?"

I should say yes. I need to say yes but my brain and mouth seems to want the opposite as I squeaked out a 'no' at the man stroking a very large part of his male anatomy.

 _GUILP!_

 _Fact: Vaginas can stretch. Fact: Naruto wasn't exaggerating. Fact: I'm so hot for that dick I don't give a fuck!_

Licking my suddenly dry lips snaps his attention to my face. "Why are you dressed in my clothes Sakura?" He asked hoarsely, as lust drips from his words.

"They belong to me. Take. It. Of"

I struggle to undo the rope tied to my waist. How the fuck did I even get myself in this thing! Seeing me struggling he impatiently cuts of the rope, roughly take my shoes off and yank my pants down. In a matter of seconds I am down to panties as he's already parting the top which barely covered my breasts in the first place.

"Sakura, are you sure? If I continue, I won't be able to stop." he whispered into my hair as his body already pins me to the bed. A nod of my head is all the approval he needs before he sweeps me into a searing kiss. He kissed me like a starving man and I return his kisses with equal passion. The tearing of my panties is all the warning I get before I feel him enter me. Ohmygosh it's fucking heaven!

"Fuck, you're so tight and wet Sakura. I won't be gentle, spread your fucking legs wider for me, I'm going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week."

Ohmyfuckinggosh! I have lost all ability to talk much less think of a witty comeback. He's pounding into me at a relentless pace.

"Ahhhh Sasuke, don't stop!" he cock swells impossibly inside of me as I screamed his name.

"Fuck! Say my name with the suffix!"

"Sasuke-kun, harder!"

He pulls out and flips me on my stomach and he's inside me again, fucking me at a brutal pace. His hands fist in my hair and he growls "mine" in my ear before I cum so hard that I seeing stars. He smacks my ass and thrusts into me before I feel him spill inside of me.

Here lies the thoroughly fucked body of Sakura Haruno-Uchiha, may she rest peacefully in the afterglow…

"I'm just getting started"

"Seriously! You still have the energy? I just watched and I'm exhausted..." He says while managing to talk and chew at the same time.

Wait? That's not Sasuke's voice. Our attention snaps up to see, I think his name is Choji. He.. He was just there.. staring at us. While eating fucking chips! My eyes drift down to see the tent action going on in his pants. My body stiffens as I feel Sasuke's dick coming back to life inside of me. BRUH...he can't be serious.

"You're a really sick bastard to fuck her again with that big dick of yours Sasuke. I've seen you at the hot springs, I know what you're packing down there 'snake sannin".

"Does everyone know about your huge dick!"

"Hun. Don't worry, it's all yours. Get the fuck out of my house Choji and don't you dare masterbate to my wife getting fucked over and over again."

A shiver goes down my spine as I twist my body back to look at my husband. His eyes are fucking swirling!

"Oh, would you look at that, I'm all out of chips…." anand he makes a mad dash to the door. Hopefully I'm all alone…

"Hehe hehe, I guess I should get going to."

"Kakashi? What the fuck! Where did you come from?" I screeched.

"I umm got lost on the path of life.."

"You're going to be permanently lost on that path if you don't get the fuck out of my sight." Sasuke said barely containing his rage.

"is the entire fucking village in here!"

"I guess we'll go as well.." Kiba said "woof woof" "you can't stay Akamaru, Sasuke will murder you. Hey Sakura, you took that D like a champ."

"GET OUT!"

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3 Days Later

 _In Sasuke's private hot spring_

Boy this feels awesome. After the couple of days I've had, a good soak is just what I need. I'm comfortably straddling Sasuke's lap, my head resting on his shoulders as he's smoking on a blunt I made him. Hopefully that should keep him calm and of my back, literally. He had to actually carry me to the little private spring tucked away in the backyard because I really didn't have the strength to walk there myself.

"Sakura, what is this?"

"it's the sacred herb, this strain is called Alaskan Thunderfuck, respect it."

"Ah, sacred herb."

"Hey Sasuke, can we not have sex again tonight. I think you broke my pussy."

"Well fix it back."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the best medic in.. EVERYWHERE.. A broken pussy should be easy."

"But how?"

"Back in the other dimension, you studied to be a doctor correct?"

"Yea.."

"So you are familiar with every vein, every nerve, everything that goes on with your body correct?"

"Well yea."

"Ok, close your eyes and imagine the inner walls of your pussy healing, and focus your energy in that spot."

"Ummm, ok, I'll try." I follow his instruction and I picture myself healing. Nothing happens. Fuck! Don't give up Sakura! You know you want that dick inside of you, quit fucking around and heal yourself! It starts with tingling, so I concentrate more and I feel the soreness between my legs getting cool, like rubbing a balm over it. OMG! Did I just heal my pussy? Yes I did as Sasuke just inserted two fingers inside me. It feels so good! I open my eyes to see him smirking at me.

This man will be the death of me. I look down and notice all the hickies on my breasts are all gone as well.

"Sasuke-kun, I did it, it fucking worked!"

"I knew you could do it. Ride me."

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2 Days Later

Knock knock knock

BANG BANG BANG!

I yank open the door to meet a very odd sight. Sasuke steps behind me to see who was banging on the door. There, on my doorstep is Hinata, Tenten, two blondes I've never met before and Naruto. They are all wearing black and holding lighted candles with solemn expressions on their faces.

Me: Ok whoever died, I had nothing to do with it!

Sasuke: "_"

Hinata: Umm, we-we we-were..

Tenten: You see, Naruto told us what he did after we beat the shit out of him.

Temari: Yea, I stopped by to get Shikamaru's jacket and pants, and I heard some noises. Oh, I'm Temari btw.

Sasuke and me: "_"

Ino: Sakura, honey we were so worried. Oh, I'm Ino.

Me: So who died?

Tenten: Oh honey, we-we were holding a vigil for your vagina.

Me: You wanna run that by me again?

Hinata: I-I know what's down there. I used my jutsu by mistake, I woke up 2 weeks after.

Sasuke: "_"

Naruto: I'm so sorry Sakura-chan! I didn't think the teme would keep you here for so long! I've been worried sick!

Me: Oh don't sweat it Naruto, I fucking owe you one actually.

Everyone outside: "_"

Me: I got more weed!

Hinata: Bitch you don't need to ask me twice, fucking light that shit up!

Everyone: "_"

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 _AN: Hi. Hope you guys had a good laugh with this one. The song that was playing when Sasuke turned on the music was "I don't Fuck With You" by Big Sean. This chapter and the other one was kind of "filler" type chapters. The plot is going to pick up by the next one._

 _Omg! I got so much positive feedback from that last chapter! I'm glad you guys enjoy my sense of humor. Please review and Thanks! Bye!_


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter is Rated M for adult language and references to sex and drug use.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

 **Chapter 8**

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 _At the hospital…_

"So what you're telling me is that this chic (points at Ino) is gonna do some kinda weird jutsu and fix my head?" I asked not quite trusting the pervert Hokage.

"We need to figure out how you got trapped in that other place and how you got back.." Kakashi said still not meeting my eyes after witnessing Sasuke fucking me senseless last week. That party was all types of fucking crazy.

"I already told you how I came back, I was relocating.. "

"Ah, you mean stealing." the Uchiha mumbled.

"Fuck you bitch.. Anyways, something happened when I tripped and next thing I know, I'm here."

"We still need to know what happened as something this powerful in the wrong hands only spells trouble." Kakashi asserted.

A nagging thought tugs at the back of my head, but for the life of me I can't figure it out. Oh well, I have bigger problems to deal with; all my fucking weed is finished and weed takes time to grow.

"Fine, but make it quick, I have my garden to tend to."

"Don't worry forehead, this won't hurt a bit.." Ino says with a smirk and brings her two hands up a familiar hand sign."

"Ino, quit fucking around, you're not Jay-Z.."

And I was out like a light.

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 _Inside Sakura's Mind_

Bright blue skies and an endless field of daffodils. A light breeze is blowing her long blonde hair.

Shocked is an understatement as Ino walks through this strange place that is supposed to be her best friend's mind.

"How odd, I can even smell the flowers." she thought as she walked around for what she felt like hours. She knew it has been seconds, as time in here flows differently.

"This isn't right.." focusing her chakra, she expands it delicately to look for the her. "I know you're im here, you would never abandon her and you would never let me walk around your home without consent."

"Found you!" she says aloud. Her excitement is short lived when she opens her eyes. "What the fuck!" she says in shock as she stands in an elaborate room with a massive bed in the middle.

Floating serenely above the sheets is Sakura's Inner. The raving bitch personality that exists in her best friend's head. She had the displeasure of meeting her once when they were paired to fight in the chunin exams.

"So this is what happened. Someone sealed you and somehow fucked with your memories."

Looking at the sleeping pink haired woman, Ino rubs her hand together in glee at what she's about to do.

"I love you Sakura, but this is payback for kicking me out of your head the last time. No hard feelings." She walks up to the sleeping figure, pulls her hand all the way back and smacks the shit out of her friend."

The ground shakes as blazing green eyes fly open. "You're gonna pay for that pig"

"HOLY FUCK IT WORKED!" That's when she gets hit in the face with a Sakura sized punch, throwing her spiritually out of her head and physically through three walls."

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As the dust settles, Naruto stoops in front of the knocked out blonde to see if she's alive.

"Damm Ino! She got you right in the face dattabayo!"

She mumbles incoherently and Naruto jumps up to go inform the others of her survival.

"it survived! Believe it!"

No one was paying attention to him as they were hovering an awakening Sakura. I hope she gets back her memories, he thought as he pushed Kakashi out of the way to be by her side.

"Tch, calm down dope, she'll be fine. She has to be." Sasuke reassures him. Lines of worry evidently watched across his usually cold face.

"Sakura-chan.."

Without skipping a beat, angry jade eyes snapped open to clash with his vibrant blue eyes. Her brows furrows in anger. He is so happy she's awake he does not notice Sasuke and Kakashi taking cover, nor does he notice her glowing fist coming straight for him.

SMACK!

His last thoughts before he loses consciousness "your hand was glowing with chakra!".

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"INO PIG! YOU LITTLE SHIT! I TOLD YOU ABOUT FUCKING AROUND WITH MY HEAD! I yelled after knocking someone into another dimension. My vision was a bit fuzzy and I was so angry at the pig for smacking me.

"Sakura, are you OK?" Sasuke asked quietly.

"I'm the Legendary Sakura Haruno, of course I'm OK." I responded confidentiality with my hands on my hips.

"Ah, don't you mean Uchiha?" he asks with a smirk.

"The Hokage never married us remember… "

"You remembered!" Sasuke whispered. Moving fast as lightning, he comes in front of me, cups my face and kissed me so softly.

"Of course I remember, do you know how hard Ino smacked me! Shit hurt like a mother fucker!"

"You still have the colourful vocabulary" Kakashi interjected.

"No shit sherlock. It was my past that was sealed. I remember everything up till now. What? Did you think I would forget everything I went through and revert back to my younger self? That's just plain fucking stupid man."

"hehe, when you put it like that.."

"Kakashi-sensei, we have a serious fucked in the ass with no lube problem. I know who trapped me in that other world and it's not good."

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 _The Hokage's Office_

After healing both Naruto and Ino, Kakashi-sensei called an emergency meeting. We were all gathered in the office waiting for me to debrief everyone.

The group included my team, as they haven't left my side since I got back my memories. Tsunade and Shizune as soon as word spread of my recovery. Hinata, Kiba, Neji and Ino is here as well as the others are of on missions.

Taking a deep breath, I onload everything that happened the night I disappeared.

"Alright guys, this is how shit went down."

 _Flashback.._

 _The night I disappeared_

Sighing quietly as I made my way the the restricted section of the archives to file away some forbidden scrolls for Tsunade-sama.

I blushed as I felt the delicious soreness between my legs. Sasuke-kun paid me a visit today in one of the empty hospital rooms, where he very enthusiastically reminded me of our 'secret wedding' we had last week. Who would have guessed the emotionally constipated Uchiha could be so wild and passionate?

Biting my fingers to perform the seal to unlock the doors, I stepped into the large room to put back the files. Walking quietly through the rows of floor to ceiling shelves, I made my way to the very back of the room to a very large door.

I do the seals again to open this one and stepped in. That's when I felt it. It was chakra masked so well, but the faintest hum of it could be sensed right in front of me.

Dropping everything, I pumped chakra into my hands to attack the intruder. My breath caught in my throat when I recognised the cloaked figure holding an open scroll as Toneri Otsutsuki.

He moved so fast, the last thing I saw was a field of daffodils and then a bright light.

 _End of flashback_

"Next thing I knew, I was in a hospital in the other world and rest was one wild fucked up ride.

The epically bad news is that Toneri Otsutsuki is the contractor who hired me to steal the scroll he had in the first place, which means he wanted me to get back home." opening my eyes after telling the events of that night, I see Tsunade choking the shit out of Sasuke.

Tsunade: You little shit! How dare you fuck my apprentice in MY FUCKING HOSPITAL!

Sasuke: let me go you crazy bitch! She wanted it!

Me: seriously! That's all you got from my story Sishou?

Tsunade: I know what that bastard is packing!

Me: OMFG! Anyone else knows about his dick?

Everyone raises their hand.

Me: Can we focus away from Sasuke's dick please! We have a more serious problem here.

"FUCKING OTSUTSUKI! CAN'T STAY DEAD LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE! Naruto yelled. Thank goodness for Naruto's randomness.

"Tch, he's not normal dope." Sasuke says as he rubs his aching throat.

"The question is why he tricked you into going back?" Kakashi asked more to himself.

"It's obvious." I say matter of factly. I did not become ranked amongst the best just like that.

"How so?"

" I he wants me to come back, with reinforcements." I say a little smugly.

"I don't get it."

"In that world, money is GOD! And how much do you think Kurama is worth, the damage he could inflect? How much would ninjutsu be worth? Guys, if he sells ninja secrets on the black market or heavens forbid, the fucking government, all hell would break loose over there. And who would be king of war ridden lands?"

"That's more fucked up than the size of Sasuke's dick ." Neji piped in. He is correct though.

"We can't allow that to happen. He needs to be taken care of." Naruto says fiercely.

"I just want to kill him for taking my wife. Nobody steals from me." Sasuke adds quietly. Damm he's so sexy! Especially when he's talking about killing bad guys.

"This is a very dangerous situation. It would be extremely dangerous, we would be walking into a trap and going in blind." Kakashi said.

"Not entirely blind Kakashi-sensei." I say with a wicked smirk.

"I've survived there for 10 years. I have all the info on his creepy ass I collected without his permission in my bag. And, we have everything we need to go and get back."

"Sakura is right Kakashi. We go in, kill the fucker and come back." Sasuke says

"It would be a lot more complicated than that Sasuke. We wouldn't be able to use ninjutsu not because we can't, but because if we are seen, we could be hunted and locked up in area 51 with probes up our asses faster than you could say weed."

"Then we won't be seen dattabayo."

"Yes we would. Everything is monitored and under constant surveillance. There are satellites in space that could spy on a man getting his cock sucked in a alleyway. Technology is not to be underestimated. Everyone and their dogs own a cell phone with powerful cameras, one fuck up and it could go viral."

"What's a satellite dattabayo?"

"Shut up dope."

"Fuck you teme! You don't know what it is either!"

"All of you shut the fuck up. This is some serious shit we would be doing and we."

"We'll be fine." Sasuke assured me.

"What's the worst that could happen dattabayo?"

"Famous last words. I usually work alone but a team would be best for this mission. Sasuke, Naruto, Neji, Ino and myself should be fine."

"Granted. Any objections? Great, head out ASAP."

"Hold on to your nut sacks people, shit just got real."

Because 4 ninjas from another dimension is just what that other place needs. I can't fucking wait!

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AN: Hey everyone! This chapter was kinda rushed and short but it's ok. I'll try my best to update this story more regularly. Omg! The insanity of those guys in this world! It's gonna be Lit AF!

Please review and feel free to make suggestions as to what shenanigans they could get into. Thanks! Bye!


	9. Chapter 9

**This Chapter is rated M for adult language**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

Chapter 9

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 _The Uchiha Compound_

The team I've selected for the mission is all gathered in my living room for a debriefing. Sasuke, because his doujutsu will come in handy when operating the guns I'll be training him to use, also he is the most reliable when it comes to keeping his fucking shit together. I chose Neji for the same reason, his doujutsu will assist in countering surveillance as he could see through walls. Naruto is the muscle, one Naruto is equal to an army.

I have them all gathered here to discuss certain things that needs to be clear before we jump dimensions.

We sure make up on hell of a 'Suicide Squad' (the movie was fucking shit but the soundtrack was dope!) They're all dressed in full Ninja gear, has all their weapons ready and bags packed. I'm dressed in the outfit I arrived in and my backpack.

"Alright guys, you've studied the scroll and I would presume that you all know how to work it with the exception of Naruto?" (the poor thing didn't understand the writing that made up the seal) they nod their heads in agreement before Naruto realised the shade I just threw at him.

"Hey! I only had a day to study it dattabayo!"

"DOPE"

"Really don't know what Hinata sees in you."

"Moving on, let's get a couple things straight and go over life saving rules before we depart. First of, this mission is going to be long. Our target tends to change locations and I will need to get back in contact with a lot of my resources to locate him so prepare yourself mentally to be there for a while.

Secondly, (placing my guns and amo on the table) seal all your weapons in travelling scrolls, those won't be necessary as you can't bring a knife to a gunfight. If a police officer points one of these at you and tells you to freeze, let them arrest you and escape later.

When we get there, I would supply you with everything you need and I would teach you how to shoot. Sasuke, you can bring your sword but put it in the scroll till we reach a safe house. I'm not sure where we would land so we can't be found with bulky weapons. If my guns are found, I'll shoot them as my bullets are untraceable."

"Fine." Sasuke grumples

"That sucks"

"Huh? So why can't we take'em out with a blade?"

"We would have to move fast and I don't have everything to effectively get rid of any bodies. Knife wounds could be tracked and lead right back to us, not to mention fingerprints if a weapon is left behind."

"Fingerprints?"

"When we get there, I'll get you up to speed Naruto, don't worry. Moving on, change your clothes. We would be arrested if we're seen looking like we're going to start some shit. Change into simple t-shirt and jeans. I'll get you more clothes and decent shoes once we're there as open toe ninja sandals are a fashion disaster. "

" But Sakura-chan, my outfit is fucking awesome!"

"Tch, no it isn't dope, you look like an ass."

"I agree. How he managed to stay alive wearing that get up is fucking beyond me."

"Naruto, I like your jacket but we need to keep a low profile ok."

"OK Sakura-chan. You guys can suck it dattabayo! " his smile is bright and happy again.

"If we land in Korea, we're fucked. Hard. In the ass. Pray we don't end up there cause it's every man for his fucking self. No way am I getting caught there again. I give you free reign to go balls out and unleash every powerful jutsu you know of it means getting to fuck out of there. The same goes for Russia."

"What the fuck went down there that has you so spooked Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.

Sighing deeply I squeeze his cheeks between my hands, squishing his face so it resembles a fishy, and look him square in the eye. "I do not speak of what happened there OK. Just know that shit went are very different over there so you guys need to keep your shit together. With the exception of the places I mentioned just now, you are not to use any ninjutsu whatsoever. Genjutsu and taijutsu is fine.

Keep your head down as surveillance is fucking everywhere. Don't talk to anyone, don't accept nothing from nobody and if you get challenged to a dance battle, you better fucking bring it cause we ain't no pussies! Let's go!"

" Uh Sakura-chan, I need to use the bathroom."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

Sasuke

My head hurts like a bitch. Disorientated. The need to vomit is strong and something is digging into my ass. It better not be a fucking dick.

 _Hehe hehehe so gay.. this calls for a pic.  
_  
What? Shaking my head to clear the fuzziness, I try to get up but the weight on my back is insanely heavy. Strange, the ground is warm; blinking open my eyes open to access my surroundings and gather my bearings, the realization of my current position hits me like a dick across the forehead.

 _SNAP!_

FUCK! I'm currently sprawled in the 69 position on top of Neji, my face on his crotch and the heavyweight on my back must be Naruto as the smell of ramen fills my nostrils. I'm pretty sure Sakura took a picture for blackmail.

"No one is to speak of this. Ever. "

"Uchiha! Get your sausage of my mother fucking face this instant!"

"mmmm mmmm Hinata-hime, have you been working out? Your butt feels so firm dattabato!" Naruto mumbles as he grinds himself onto Sasuke's butt.

"Are you guys quite finished? We need to move." Sakura says trying to stifle a laugh.

Pumping chakra into my body, I shove of the deadweight of my back so I can save some dignity. He lands with a hard THUNK and I hope he gets a fucking concussion.

"Wow, that was fucking awesome dattabato! Let's do it again!" The dope yells at the top of his voice.

"I'm killing him." Neji whispered

"Get in line." I add icely

"No one touches my BFF!" Sakura pipes in. I miss the days when she always took my side.

We seem to have landed in a forest. The trees look very similar to the ones that cover miles of land in the Fire Country. There is a huge mountain with snowy peaks to the east. It's not so bad.

"Did ya have to throw me off so hard teme?"

"You were violating my body dope."

"You shouldn't talk Uchiha, your humongous dick was in my face. If anyone should feel violated it's me."

"He got you there teme."

"Fuck you. Are you OK Sakura?"

"Im good. Welcome to Japan boys!" She says with bright smile and a wicked glint in her beautiful green eyes.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pulling out my phone to confirm our location. Looks like we turned up in the place I was found when I first got sent here. I pull up a map and see that there is a small town 8 miles north east of here. It's 10:00am in the morning so we should be there before it gets dark.

We need to get there and find a place to stay to keep a low profile. With the racket Naruto is making, it's easier said than done.

"Come on guys, let's go. There's a town close by, we'll walk in the forest and stay away from the roads till we get closer to the town. We would rent a room and lay low till I contact some friends of mine."

"Friends?" Sasuke asked quietly as he intertwined his fingers in mine as we walked through the forest.

"We need to start tracking our target and as we stand, we can't do shit unless you boys get passports and IDs."

"Ah. This place is complicated."

"No shit dattabayo!"

"There is a strange moving object above us, everyone GET DOWN!" Neji shouted as he threw himself into some bushes. Naruto jumped behind a tree and Sasuke pulled my behind another tree. I looked up and started chuckling.

"Relax guys, it's an airplane. That's how we travel from one country to another and that's the reason we need passports."

"You travel by air? That's so stupid, it's open to attacks." Neji says as he climbs out from the bush, twigs and leaves stuck in his long hair.

"Sakura-chan! I wanna go on the giant bird!" Naruto squealed in childish delight.

"Sure Naruto." hehehe I can't wait to watch some airplane movies with him, bet he won't be to excited to hop on board.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We've been walking for hours and as much as I love Naruto, he's getting on my last nerves. Hyperactive went out the window two hours ago and now it's full blown crackhead.

As we neared the town, signs of civilization made itself known as cars whizzed by and trains sped forward. He nearly choked the life out of Sasuke the first time he saw the train. I wish I could say Neji and Sasuke was doing better but I was wrong.

Twice I've had to stop the two of them from attacking moving vehicles. Their agitation is making Naruto worse and their eyes are making people stare. At the rate we're going we would draw the attention of the popo.

 _SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!_

"WOULD YOU THREE KNOCK IT OFF!" walking of leaving Konoha's best with swollen heads, I make my way to a hotel. The town is not that big as it's located in rural Japan so there isn't much to freak out the boys. I need to educate them so they don't behave like that when we do leave this area and I know just how to do it.

"I need 1 room with 2 bedrooms, and we'll be ordering room service, thank you. And please refrain from eye fucking my husband or I'll bust a cap in your ass." with great satisfaction, the clerk pales and give me the key cards with shaking hands.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Stomachs filled, I sit them down on the couch in front of the television. It's time for their lessons to begin.

"Alright guys, I want to to watch as many of these as possible. I'm going to contact some buddies of mine while you learn the ways of this world."

I turn on the television and select Bad Boys 2 for them to watch first. I already have a line up movies I have in mind such as Scarface, Pulp Fiction, The A-Team, Silence of the Lambs, Die Hard (1,2, 3 and 4), Taken, Hot Fuzz, John Wick and Fast and the Furious (all of them because they needs to get used to cars). It would take all night but I have a feeling they can manage.

I grab my phone and plop myself on the bed and go through my contact list to find her number. First things first, I need the forged documents, then get the ball rolling on finding Toneri.

 _dial tone..._

"Ollo!" came the usual greeting from my Caribbean born friend. We became quick buddies after the 'Korea' incident (which neither speaks of again).

"Omi!"

"Sakura! Bitch where have you been? You said 2 weeks!" She yells with her thick caribbean accent.

"It's a long fucking story, where are you?"

"I'm in Switzerland right now crashing at your safe house. Bitches be tripping, they don't know who they fucking with, know what I'm saying." I do know what she's saying. Whoever messed with her usually ends up with a long list of white collar crimes (true or made up) on tables of police officers and an empty bank account. You don't fuck with hackers or they'll fuck you where it hurts. The crazy bitch is not afraid to kick you in the nuts either.

" Good. Stay there, I have a job for you."

"Oohh, who we gonna to mess up?"

"The guy who I took the last job from, Toneri Otsutsuki, you compiled the background report before I left."

"Girl, I told you that chigga was bad news! I had a dream about him ya'know!" rolling my eyes at her mention of one of her 'dreams'.

"Tell me about it. I need passports and IDs for some friends of mine. You found me already right?"

"You're in Japan, Yamanashi Prefecture. What friends?"

"Long story, I'll fill you in when I get there. I'm sending you their photos and names. In the meantime, trace Toneri. I'll wait here for the documents."

"I'll get started. Mother fucker messed with the badest bitches yo! I'm wiring money to your account. Laterz."

"Bye!"

Hanging up the phone, I decide to take a long bath then watch some movies with the guys.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	10. Chapter 10

**This chapter is rated M for lots of cursing and sexual references.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 _ **Sasuke**_

I want a car. I want a fast fucking car and a gun, lots and lots of guns and a rocket launcher...hun..definitely a rocket launcher. I'm just itching to try out my new knowledge on drifting and shooting. Unlike the others, I watched each movie with my sharingan turned on. We have movies back home but this shit is on another fucking level. And the people; there are so many different types of people, and the places are so strange. I asked Sakura if those places are real and she said that most of them are like Dubai, London and Brazil. I would also like a helicopter, the flying contraption which Sakura confirmed as an actual thing that exists outside of movies. I want one with rocket launchers.

Naruto and Neji has fallen asleep but I have too much adrenaline pumping in my veins to sleep. Sakura went to bed after the fourth Fast and Furious saying it's to sad to continue. I don't know what she's talking about but the actor by the name of 'Paul Walker' is a driving god, I don't care if it's just a movie, he would make an excellent driving sensei. Maybe I could ask Sakura to take me to meet with him and convince him to train me.

"Sasuke-kun, when are you coming to bed?" Hun, she's awake. Now I know what to do with all this built up energy. Flash-stepping in front of her, I pick her up and throw her over my shoulder. She lets out a surprised squeak as I toss her on the bed.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Hey Sakura, do you feel lucky, punk?"

"_"

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Sakura

We just had a relatively normal shopping day, keep in mind I'm using the term 'normal' rather loosely. Naruto was even more hyperactive at all the cool clothes but at least he wasn't asking tons of questions anymore. Sasuke-kun wasn't attacking vehicles, but I did catch him oggling a few sports model cars that passed on the streets. Neji kept looking at the sky but he remained silent as he picked out his clothes.

We had a nice lunch in Mcdonalds until Naruto had to much Coke-a-Cola and reached 'crackhead' level hyperactive and we got thrown out. I also had to prevent Sasuke and Neji from murdering Naruto as we walked back to the hotel because he got us tossed out of the taxi.

"It's not my fault dattabayo! I wanted to sit up front! Why did the teme get to sit up front Sakura-chan?" The blonde knucklehead cried as he plopped down on the sofa and tossing all his shopping bags on the floor.

"Sasuke-kun called shotgun Naruto, you should have paid more attention to the movies." I say, trying my best to not let my impatience leak through.

"I hope your dick shrinks Teme!"

I couldn't help it; I burst out laughing at Naruto's outburst. Omg! Of all the things to fly out of his mouth!

"Fuck you dope!" Sasuke grumbles as we put our bags down. My phone rings and thank god its Omi.

"Ollo! Go to your room and you'll see a package on the bed. I sent all the documents you requested along with untraceable cell-phones for your friends and plane tickets, first class of course. Your fight is tonight, you need to get your ass here and explain what trouble you got yourself into and where you found those fine specimens of male hotness."

"Thank you Omi you are the empress of hacking and mischief! I'll explain everything when I get there, I promise. Please tell me you didn't smoke my stash, I really need some of the strong shit."

"Your never-ending stash is fine Sakura"

"How's the search on Toneri coming along?"

"Giiirrrllll, that chigga tucked his sack back and bounced! I've been running traces on him and nothing turned up so far."

"Lil bitch is playing hard to get huh. If your search turns up nothing, we'll have to pay Marko a visit."

"Uugh, not that sleezeball. I believe he's in Paris for fashion week."

"That's great. Keep at Toneri in the meantime, Marko is a last resort."

"Aye aye captain!"

"Laterz!"

I walk over to the bed and see the package waiting for me. I waste no time in busting it open and going through the its contents. Everything was in order and I gave the guys their documents, their phones and some cash.

We all head back into the living room and I showed them all how to work their phones. I avoided all social media as we're keeping a low profile but Youtube and google were the exceptions.

It was an instant hit for Naruto naturally of course, he immediately taking an interest to the Vine compilations on Youtube. People don't give him enough credit as he quickly adapted to navigating through both sites easily.

Unfortunately Neji repelled the technology and couldn't grasp the concept of watching nonsense for entertainment so he opted to pack his things. Sasuke-kun was quietly watching some stuff about cars and not paying attention to anyone in the room.

Sighing, I plop myself on Sasuke's lap and rest my head on his shoulders while he watched his car videos. This is going to be a long fucking night. Just imagine, a hyped up Uzumaki Naruto locked in a steel tube hundreds of miles of the ground for 13hrs and 45mins! I really hope Youtube occupies him enough that he doesn't cause too much trouble and get us placed on a 'no fly' list.

When we land in Geneva, we have to take a train to get to the safe house located a half hour away from the airport. That is another enclosed space with Naruto. Don't get me wrong, I love him but fuck my ass he's loud!

I'm not looking forward to visiting Marko, so I really hope Omi gets a lead on Toneri. I did a job for him once and the little shit had the balls to try and sell me to a fucking Sheik! He knows very well not to cross my path again after I beat the shit out of him and took his Lamborghini which had a sweet stash of high grade weed in the glove compartment.

"What's our next move?" Sasuke asks with that sexy voice of his. He has successfully turned me into a sex fiend and I don't care! Humm, we have a couple of hours to kill before we head to the airport...

"We have a plane to catch in the next six hours, that's a lot of time to kill huh Sasuke-kun"

"Ah. I want to take a shower before."

"Can I join you?" I asked wickedly into his ear.

He smirks and carries me into the bedroom and kicks the door shut with his foot.

"WE KNOW WHAT YOU TWO ARE DOING IN THERE DATTABAYO!" Naruto yells out.

"Do you think they realize that we can hear them getting it on?" Neji asked the blonde as he began packing his things.

"Bruh, I don't think they care."

"Good god Naruto! Why the fuck are you talking like that?"

"I watched some Vines and it was so funny! Do you want to watch some with me?"

Pausing from my task, I pondered learning more things of this world, but seeing that the idiot thinks it's funny, most likely it would be nonsense and not worth my time. Maybe I should look at some movies about airplanes to better prepare me for my first time going on one of those things.

"I'll pass. Could you find me a movie about airplanes before we leave?"

"No problem."

Neji couldn't see the mischievous grin plastered on Naruto's whiskered face as the blonde knucklehead navigated his way around Netflix to search for horror airplane movies while Neji's back was turned and picked the one called Final Destination for him to watch.

 _Take that for kissing my hime ya stuck-up ass!_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Neji

 _Breathe breathe breathe...don't you fucking dare show fear in the presence of the Uchiha and the fucking idiot Neji Hyuga!_

It's just a movie, and people don't get visions of planes blowing up right? I couldn't get a chance to talk with Sakura privately about my situation as she was getting jack hammered by the fucking Uchiha. So here I am, having a mild panic attack, in a chair waiting to board that contraption of death.

 _I am a fucking ninja for fuck sake! Quit acting like a coward! Oh fuck it time..i'm going to die!_

"Hey Neji, check this out, Google said that there was this plane crash due to faulty parts but the pilot landed the plane and he was high out his fucking mind! Lots of people died and shit and they made a movie out …." My brain shut Naruto's loud obnoxious voice out as visions of plane crashes play through my head. He just said it happened in real life, which means these fucking death traps can …

"Excuse me sir, are you feeling ok?" A voice asked me. I can feel Sakura's and Sasuke's stare as they waited for me to get through the final checkpoint.

"I'm fine." I gritted out through clenched teeth. Her gaze is hard and accessing and Naruto's chuckling is pissing me off.

"Sir, could you step to the left please. I need security at gate 12."

 _Fuck! Shit! Bitch! Fuck!_

I do as instructed and tried to find my center, this is getting way out of hand and I have never failed a mission. I can do this, I won't disappoint the Hyuga...WTF is Sakura saying to Sasuke? My thoughts were interrupted when I look up to see her making some strange hand movements as she is explaining something to him and now she's pointing to her ass. My brows furrow in even more confusion as the Uchiha's eyes widen and snap to mine with a mixture of shock, disgust and hopelessness. He closes his eyes, shakes his head and gives me a thumbs up. Why the fuck is he….

"Please step into this room." The lady, along with beefy looking women dressed wielding weapons usher me into an empty room. This is it, I'm on my own now.

Security 1: Take of your clothes sir.

Security 2: All of your clothes sir.

Neji: Is there a problem?

Security 1: Is there?

Security 2: I will not repeat myself sir.

Just get it over with. I begin taking my clothes off as quickly as possible. When I drop my boxers, their eyes never leave mine; not once. I must admit that they are very intimidating for two human women, they would work well in T&I.

Neji: Well?

Security 1: Please turn around, place your hands on the wall.

Security 2: And spread your legs.

N-no...NO NO NO NO NO! I hear the snap of a glove and suddenly they are beside me. I would rather be in the flying death trap than in here right now! Sakura's hand movements and Sasuke's expression is making sense now. Good god! I'am about to be violated my two very large women.

Security 1: Sir, please take a deep breath and try to relax.

What? AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On the plane….

My eyes blink open and my ninja senses kicked in as I begin to access my surrondings and my body. There is a buzzing sensation in my ears and my asshole is killing me.

After I was ass raped by a hermaphrodite, I was escorted onto the plane without apology. Of course they let me board when they found no drugs, because apparently humans of this world smuggle illicit substances in their fucking assholes!

Who the fuck voluntarily shove drugs up their ass!? Why?

"Hey Neji, you ok there buddy?" Sakura asked as she leaned over the seat in front of me to make sure I'm not freaking out, because who would freak out in a death trap after being fucking molested!

"I'm fine."

"You sure? You look a little green around the gills." she persisted.

"I just want to sleep." Sleep and try to ignore the snickering blonde sitting next to me.

"Naruto, pour Neji a drink and give him the medicine I gave you."

The blonde nods his head and grins as he does as instructed. He shoves the brown liquid in my hands and two pills. I swallow the pills and down the liquid fire all in one go. This has literally been the worst day of my life; I wish I could get a fucking cuddle or something, my poor innocent asshole went through hell because those idiots thought I was a crackhead. I feel the effects of the medicine and alcohol combo kicking in as my eyelids begin to droop.

"Hey Neji...did they manage to remove that stick out of your ass?"

And I passed out.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 _AN: Hi! Hoped you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a review and thanks for reading. Bye!_

 _The character "Omi" is based on my girl UmehitoNekozawa4725 (wattpad). She's a super talented writer (my opinion) and we're actually friends in real life._


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Please note that this chapter was slightly edited 21.05.2018.

Sakura

That wasn't so bad, not taking into account Neji's anal assault and Naruto's obnoxiousness, we did just fine. Well, Sasuke-kun had to knock out Naruto once we boarded the train, but I don't think the guys could have survived his antics for much longer.

When we reached our stop, we gathered our bags, revived Naruto and we walked to the safe house as it's just a couple of minutes away from the station.

They absolutely loved it, even Sasuke-kun! I pointed out the architecture the city was known for, gave them a brief history on the location and showed them some of the escape routes, I would give them a detailed breakdown of all the routes once we get home.

Home. Strange how many of those I'll have to give up. I mean, it's not like we could come back once this mission is over (or can I?) we'll see. I will miss my homes though, and Omi, we've been through alot.

"Hey Sakura-chan, you OK?" Naruto asks quietly as he elbows my side. He can be so observant sometimes, even though he acts like a goof.

"Mm hum, I just really like it here. It's one of my favourite places, especially around this time of the year.

"It is really nice here, I've never seen so many lights! And the lake is breathtaking, I just wish Hinata was here to see it!"

"Oh yea, you've finally caught on. I remember when Sasuke-kun and I just got together, he bet you would never notice her longing looks and mild stalker tendencies, and I bet that you would, seems like I won huh."

"That fucking teme betting against me..and she never..yea she kinda did stalk me."

"hey! I totally knew you would tap dat ass, gimme my props mother fucker!"

"Hehehe, thanks Sakura-chan"

"Are you guys done with your BFF romance?" Neji's asks irritatedly. "My fucking asshole is killing me and I just want a bath."

"Looks like they didn't remove that stick up his ass" Naruto whispered, making me chuckle at our shared joke.

"Actually, we here."

We stopped in front of a huge modern building and I watch their reactions to my home.

"Wow, you really live here Sakura-chan?"

"Mm hummm. The garage is in the basement, my apartment is on the 5th floor. It's more efficient for quick getaways in case some shit goes down."

I swipe my keycard which Omi sent me and punch in the security code. I'm tempted to take the stairs but I don't think Neji could manage.

So the Elevator it is.

" Come on guys, let's head up." I motion towards the elevator.

" Wow, my first elevator ride!"

"Calm down dope, it's too late for your loudness." Sasuke deadpanned.

"You're just sour cause you aint get no pussy in the past 14 hours."

"That's right, I want to take a shower, fuck my wife and get some sleep."

"omg I'm like, right here!" I yell

"You know, that explains a lot. Hey Sakura, maybe you should have just given him a hand job or something and he would have calmed the fuck down instead of leaving the village." Neji added

"Motherfucker I was 12!"

"High five Neji" and Neji and Naruto high fived it as we entered the elevator.

Hummm, I wonder if he would have stayed if I gave him a hand job? He was always so cold and stuck up...

"Hey, I was in a bad place back then, I wasn't in the right state of mind for a relationship with you or anyone." He says as he taps my forehead. "If it makes you feel any better, I jerked off to you a lot."

"I know, I'm just being silly. And thanks for that, zero weirdness."

"Im going to vomit." Neji mumbled.

"Please don't pull a Christian Grey with all of us in here, I won't be able to look Sakura-chan in the eyes again dattabayo."

"Naruto! You watched Fifty Shades of Grey without me!"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We step of the elevator and I check the hallways. I know Omi already knows we're here as she hacked into the building's security system when we first moved here, but you can never be to cautious.

" Alright guys, we're here. None of you touch Omi's computers, she'll go nuts."

"That was directed at you Naruto."

"Suck my balls Neji!"

"What the fuck did you say to me?"

"I said... Suck. My. Balls. Neji."

"Knock it off"

Our safe house is a safe house for a reason. I have to swipe my key, get my fingerprints and eyes scanned and a fucking verbal password.

As I swipe my key, a panel that's hidden in the wall opens to reveal the scanner. I scan my prints and eyes, Sasuke-kun eyes the device like it's going to attack me, Naruto had to hold him back from punching the scanner when Omi's voice crackled through the speaker.

"What's the password bitch." she says in her terrible British accent she likes to use when she's high like a kite.

"Must we do this every time dear." I repeat with an equally terrible British accent.

"Password."

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The locks click open and I enter my home away from home.

"Uh guys, I think you should stand back, things are going to get a little weird." I put down my bags, and braced myself for impact.

"aaahhhhhhhh ohmyfuckinggosh get over here you crazy bitch!

A slightly taller girl with caramel colored skin and a huge mass of curls comes flying at me with outstretched arms. Seeing her energetic smile which reminds me of Naruto, now that I think of it, causes a bubble of joy to burst through my chest.

I ended up meeting her halfway as we slammed into each other hugging and sobbing like crazy idiots.

"Yo, next time you say 'just a few weeks' i'm tossing your weed stash in the toilet!"

"Why you gotta be so savage? My weed has done nothing to you!"

"Peter will pay for Paul, and Paul will pay for all, don't you forget it bitch."

Ahem

Hehe, I forgot about the boys standing there. Huh? Whats up with Neji?

"Sakura, would you mind introducing us to your friend?" My eyebrows raise is shock as the usually silent Neji Hyuga is the one asking for an introduction and judging by the looks he's getting from both Sasuke-kun and Naruto, this is not a usual occurrence.

"Yea Sakura, introduce me to your friends." Omi says as she nudges me in my side.

"Ah Omi, this Neji Hyuga, Sasuke Uchiha and Naruto Uzumaki." Sasuke gives a stiff nod, his emotionless mask in place, Neji actually cracks a little smile and Naruto being Naruto shoves the guys out of the way and gives her his thousand watt smile.

"Is he on something?" she whispered

"Nah, he's cool."

"You sure? That shit ain't normal."

"Hey, nice to meet you Omi-chan!" Oh boy.

"Yo, you don't know me like that, so drop the 'chan', you feel me?"

"Yea I feel you."

"So, how do you guys know Sakura? Did she get you in some kind of trouble or something? I mean, it's not a bad thing really, that's kinda how we met."

Oh boy. This is going to be a long night.

"Ahh Omi, I think you should sit down"

We leave all our luggage in the entryway and we follow Omi into our living room. I've been dreading this moment. I know I can't lie to her, we've always had each other's back but this is some messed up shit and I'm scared at how she'll process it. Some weed would be good right now but she'll probably forget we ever had that conversation.

"Hehe, you're kinda freaking me out here Sakura, if these chiggas got you involved in anything crazy…"

"No it's not like that. Ammm where to start…"

"Start from when you first got here Sakura." Sasuke suggested as he sat down on the sofa.

"Yea, what the instagram model with the freaky eye said." she muttered nervously.

"Well, you already know about my past, you know, the memory problem."

"Yea"

"Well..good news is that I regained my memories!"

"Really! Holy fucking shit, thats awesome..but what's the catch? Are you like a lost princess of something, cause that would be fucking dope."

"Hehe, not a princess…"

"Just spit it out dattabayo!"

"Yip. Definatly a princess! I totally called that shit! knew you were a princess, fucking pink hair and shit. Ohmyfucking god, bet you have a bomb ass palace and some dude that wipes your ass. Yo, you totally need to hook me up with one of those ass wiping..."

I take a deep breath and just let it out, whatever happens, happens.

"My name is Sakura Haruno, I am a shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Leaves and apprentice to the fifth hokage.I mastered medical ninjutsu and awakened my yin seal. I could shatter a mountain with my fist. I, along with my teammates, Sasuke, Naruto and Neji are war veterans of the 4th Great Shinobi War. Neji Hyuga is my fellow comrade and we have accomplished many missions and fought side by side in the war. Naruto Uzumaki is the village hero, future hokage, my best friend and an idiot. Sasuke Uchiha is also the village hero though he strayed from his path years ago but he found his way back to us, back to team 7, he is the love of my life and my husband.I sucker punched a goddess. Hard.

Ten years ago, I was sent to this world against my will by Toneri Otsutsuki via the same scroll he hired me to steal. I lost my memory but when I found the scroll, I was transported back home. At first I was freaking out, because, you know, ninjas right? Long story short, my memories which was sealed away by that shithead got released.

The bad news is, he is here in this world and someone like him here could lead to huge fuck fest. I think he sent me back as a lure to bring Naruto into this world to steal the demon sealed inside of him, so we're here to stop him by either killing him or killing him cause no fucking way in hell am I bringing that crazy pale mother fucker back to my village alive and kicking."

Silience

She stares at me with her huge round eyes hidden behind her glasses then her gaze flickers between Sasuke, Naruto and Neji, staring down each of them before she returns her gaze to me. She's very intelligent and she knows when I'm lying and when Im high off my ass. Right now she's most likely processing the validity of my story.

"Sakura"

"Omi"

"Sakura"

"Omi"

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Tch, no. But ninjas?"

"Ninjas?"

"Yes, ninjas."

"Meth?"

"What? I aint no fucking crackhead!"

"Ninjas?"

"We have established this."

"Sure its not drugs? I won't judge."

"Positive."

"You have to admit. This some seriously fucked up shit."

"Don't act like you ain't never seen or heard fucked up shit before. One word. Korea."

"Fine, I believe you."

"Thank you."

"HOLD THE FUCK UP! She just told you all that and you believed her because of Korea?" Naruto yelled as he pointed dramatically at Omi.

"Yes."

"That is correct, now quit pointing at me like that, it's freaking me out."

"I apologise for my friend's rude behavior Omi-san, he is in fact, an idiot" Neji added smoothly.

"Omi, get the stuff, lets hit it hard."

"You don't have to tell me twice."

"Damn straight."

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 _AN: Hi guys, again I am soooo sorry for the late update, things are a bit crazy right now. I bet you're wondering what the fuck really went down in Korea huh.._

 _Thank you so much for all the comments I received from the previous chapter! I really appreciate it! I will try my best to update soon but don't hold me to it._


	12. Chapter 12

_AN: Hey guys! OMG, I had so much fun writing this chapter! Just wanna wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I won't be updating this story till next year as I'm super busy at work and I'm still packing for my move. Please enjoy this chapter and have an amazing Christmas!_

 **This Chapter is rated M for explicit language.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

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 _ **Sakura and Omi**_

That went better than I thought it would. I know I'll get the third degree when we're alone but for now I'm so happy my only friend in this world isn't pointing kicking me out on the streets. I sit quietly and watch Omi as she fiddles with the bong lost in thoughts of where Toneri could possibly be hiding. The list is endless, this world is big and if you don't want to be found that could be arranged by a number of ways.

Take Omi and I for example, before I regained my memories and I was in this place, if we wanted to disappear, we would either come here or go to the Caribbean where Omi is originally from. But Toneri? Where would he go? He has to have people assisting him. If I didn't have Omi, disappearing would be extremely difficult. This is giving me a fucking headache! I wonder if she got any leads on him since we last spoke?

"Any leads so far into Toneri wearabouts?" I asked Omi as she fiddles with the bong.

"Nah girl, I've been going in circles. It's looks like he off grid." She says with a frustrated sigh as she puts down the bong and turns her attention to me. "You know what that means"

Yes, I know what it means. "Tch..fucking Marko."

"What makes this even more juicy? While is was running searches on Marko's wearabouts, I traced some video footage of him with Toneri just a day after you left for the job you took from him."

She's right, that is juicy. No one meets with Marko just to enjoy his company. A meeting with him means nothing but trouble. That man's got his manicured hands deep in all things illegal and unholy from drugs to human trafficking you name it and Makro can get it. Oh well, it looks like I will be crossing paths with him once again.

"Where is Marko currently located?"

"He's in Paris, Fashion Week is in full swing so he's balls deep in Armani….or his assistant" she mummers casually.

"That's a lovely picture I have in my head right now, thank you so much for that."

"You're welcome. Toneri wasn't the only one he's been meeting. From the time you left to now he has been spotted with both high ranking government officials from the US and leaders from different terrorist groups."

"That's not good."

"No fucking shit it aint good! You and I both know they ain't discussing fashion trends. You mentioned that he might want to kidnap your blonde friend for his demon or something. Does he go all 'Emily Rose' and shit? If that's the case then that motherfucker is sleeping outside! I ain't got no time for that voodoo shit."

"Girl chill, its not even like that. I can ask him to introduce you to his demon, Kurama, if it would make you more…"

"Stop right there bitch. I accept you and your hot ninja friends and if you say Naruto is cool, then I'm cool with that but no way in hell am I talking to a demon. I'll leave that for the crazy white folks cause I've watched enough horror movies to know not to go talking to demons and shit. Like how! how could you go into a locked room that opens all on its fucking own, find a key and open a locked fucking door with a freaky ass doll sitting in a chair, in a closet with the walls covered in pages of the holy book only to throw a blanket over said doll and continue to play with some dead kid's toys as if you didn't just find Satan's fuck toy in there! HOW?"

"You watched Annabelle 2 again huh?" I deadpanned

"Yes I did. It's better when I watch that shit with you though, you always scream like a punk"

"Back to our Marko problems, you know he's gonna bounce when he sees you and you're kinda not hard to miss." she points out as she eyed my pink hair.

She's right, the second I'm spotted he'll run with is sack between his legs so I need to stay out of sight till we have him all to ourselves. My thought's get interrupted when Naruto walks in slurping up some ramen before plopping down next to Sasuke-kun who's watching something on his phone (probably some more car stuff, I haven't got the heart to tell him Paul Walker wouldn't be able to be his sensei while he's here). Neji is..wait..why dafaq is Neji ogling Omi? Do all the Hyuga have stalker genes?

"Psst Sakura!, is all the guys in your village that handsome ? Naruto looks like a fucking sun kissed god! Fucking, words can't even begin to describe the hotness that is Uchiha Sasuke, even his name is hot.. Uhh! And Neji, that chigga is dipped in fucking sexiness, just look at him staring at me! Chigga's gonna get raped if he keeps that shit up.."

The light bulb explodes in my head! Of course that's how we'll get close to Marco; he wouldn't be able to resist.

"Ohhh boy, I know that crazy look in your eyes…"

I'm full blown grinning like an Disney villain now.

"OK Sakura, I know that look, every time you have that look some crazy shit is about to go down."

"Omi dear, when have any of my plans been anything but spectacular?"

"Bitch, don't get me fucking started on the crazy shit you've dragged me into, the fucking list is endless, I can't show my face in Budapest ever again thanks to you."

"Dude, you need to let that shit go"

"Let it go? Do I look like a fucking white girl singing on a snow covered mountain?'"

"-_- Do you wanna hear my plan or not?"

"Fine"

"Oh and Omi, I don't think it would be rape" I say as I waggled my eyebrows at her suggestively. I've seen the looks those two have been passing each other.

"Hehehe, you know you gotta have a little 'hoe' chapter in your life, it builds character." Omi says as she eye rapes Neji.

"Chapter? Bitch you wrote a fucking trilogy, who are you trying to fool?"

"Fuck you bitch"

"I missed you too."

We hatch out our super genius plan which Omi agrees with right of the bat and tosses in a suggestion or two. I have to admit it would be a bit risky as the boys are not 100% adjusted to this world yet, but they're ninjas and we're on a mission so they'll just have to put on their designer big boy pants on and deal.

"So, we good?" I asked as we finished up with our infiltration strategy.

"For now, yea. I'll get to work on it first thing tomorrow. We still need escape routes in case some shit goes down and knowing you, shit would go down."

"Ye of so little faith. Come on, light that shit up, I wanna get baked!"

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 _ **Sakura**_

I'm soooooooooooo fucking high right now, taking hits from a bong is always the best. I pass the bong to Sasuke and I watch as he takes another hit. Oh my, he looks so fuckable when he's high. His hair frames is god-like face and his eyes smoulder seductively..

Omi: "Sooooo Sakura, how did you and Sasuke hook up?" Omi asks as she waggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. "You said he's the love of your life, he must have swept you of your feet huh" she continued.

Neji: "More like swept her to the side, Uchiha was a real fucking prick back then. Correction, he's still a prick but he's not trying to kill us all anymore." Neji tossed in.

 _Seriously, when did this motherfucker suddenly get so fucking talkative?_

Sasuke: " keep it up and see if I don't change my mind."

Naruto: "Or swept her with a fucking chidori through her chest!" Naruto added before breaking into a coughing fit.

Sasuke: -_-

Neji: "That's some fucked up shit man, oh let's not forget about the 'bench' incident"

Me: "Hey! I tried to stab him to ya'know! And who the fuck told you about the bench huh, that shit is private!"

Omi: "Y'all a bunch of violent motherfuckers huh"

Me: "I choose violence..hehe"

Omi: "Shame"

Me: "Confess"

And we burst into a laughing fit at our inside Game of Thrones joke. Man Cersei Lannister

is a fucking savage!

Naruto: hey no spoilers, I wanna watch this this Game of Thrones everyone is so obsessed with.

We smoked, laughed and at some point in time Omi braided Neji's hair and he looked like he was on another level of high.

Speaking of hair, I need to fix the boys up for our trip to Paris. They need to look the part so I'll take them to a salon tomorrow. I'll need to get my hands on some designer clothes as well, I mean, you can't go to fashion week in last seasons trends.

The couch dips and Sasuke's lean body is sitting quietly next to me. At a quick glance, I noticed his shifting eyes, clenched teeth and his hands tightly fisting. The poor guy is so emotionally retarded he's literally fighting with himself about something he wants to talk to me about.

"Sasuke-kun, what's up?"

"hun."

I grab hold of his hand and intertwined my fingers in his. "I love you." I say gently. I know, I always know when he feels undeserving. The boys were just joking but it's a sore spot for him.

"I don't deserve your love.. I hurt you so much in the past."

"that's right, it's in the past. We've been through this before Sasuke-kun, don't you remember?"

"You're the one who had the memory problem."

"Yea, but I remember everything thing now. We've been through this before and I'll tell you the same thing I told you the night you married me and everyday for the rest of our lives; I love you and I will never stop loving you, even when you're being an ass."

"Ah. I love you too." he whispers before tapping me on the forehead.

 _Sniff sniff sniff_

Huh? I turn around to see Naruto's head pop up behind the sofa, right between our heads with fat glimmering tears pouring down his face.

"That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Teme, you're a teme but you're our teme and I love you too man, not in "I wanna butt fuck you" way, but in a brotherly way and I love you too Sakura-chan, you're my real best friend, not the teme. Hey, you guys love me too right?"

I'm going to blame it on the weed but Naruto's little confession was the sweetest thing and next thing you know I yanked him down and gave him biggest hug.

"I love you too Naruto, you big dummy. Sasuke, tell Naruto you love him."

"Get this baka off my lap! And stop rubbing your face in Sakura's chest!" Sasuke grunted as Naruto was sprawled across the both of us.

"Come on Sasuke, quit being an ass, tell me you love me damm it!"

"Never!"

"Sasuke Uchiha tell Naruto how you feel!"

"I feel like I'm going to shove a chidori up his ass if he doesn't get off me!"

"Love me Sasuke!"

"I'm going to fucking kill you"

"Kill me with love!"

" Chidori!"

Meanwhile, across the room two pairs of eyes were watching the bonding of friends and possibly the murder of a friend.

"Are they always like this?" Omi asked as she poured Neji another shot of whisky.

"Always."

"I must be high as fuck but I swear I just saw Sasuke went all God of thunder and summoned some lighting in his hand."

"Nope, you just saw that."

"Damm."

"Yip"

"Y'all motherfuckers need Jesus"

"Is that a jutsu?"

"Yea, it's the _holy spirit no jutsu_ "

"Hun, sounds powerful."

"It is my brother, can I get an amen!"

"Yea sure, tell me where it is and I'll get it for you"

"What?"

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 _ **Sakura**_

My good luck streak with the boys have officially come to an end. I'm talking end of the dinosaurs end, all hell's breaking loose and I'm losing my patience. How did we get here? A haircut. A FUCKING HAIR CUT!

Naruto is smart, so he slowly shuts his mouth and backs away from me. He's been hit to many times to know when I'm going to go ballistic and start cracking skulls.

Sasuke and Neji is still fighting with the hairstylist and themselves to notice my approach. Their raised voices and threats have drawn enough attention and people are staring. We're supposed to keep a low profile but these two dipshits just had to be a couple of divas and ruin it.

The hairstylists copy Naruto and step out of my way as I come up behind them. I grab the two of them and apply my enhanced strength and knock their heads together.

"Listen up you bakas, it is just a little haircut not a fucking enima. If you two don't shut the fuck up and let the nice hairstylists do their job, I'm going to leave you behind and take Naruto alone with me to Paris to get this job done do you understand?"

"I'm not cutting my hair.." Neji winned

"He is just layering it and adding some highlights, quit being a bitch."

"Tch. whatever, you're not going anywhere without me." Sasuke scoffed

"Oh yea? Fucking try me. Look how nice Naruto is behaving, why can't you be like him?"

"Please don't compare me to that buffoon."

"Hey!" Naruto yelled from across the room. He's getting a pedicure and enjoying every moment of it.

"Are you two going to behave?"

"Tch"

"Whatever"

"I'm glad we had this conversation, I'll be with Naruto getting my nails done, don't make me come back over here."

I plop down next to Naruto and calm myself down. I'm already tense as it is and I don't need any added stress. If they're behaving like this now, there's no telling how they would react once we get to Paris. I still haven't told them what they'll actually have to do to get Marko alone in his hotel room. He is always surrounded by his entourage and bodyguards but he always sends them away once he's 'entertaining' company.

Oh yea, did I mention Marko is gayer than a cucumber?

Yeaaaaaaa, not sure how that's going to fly but it's the best I've got. Right now Omi is hacking into the model listing and booking Sasuke, Neji and Naruto as models for the Armani show which is scheduled for tomorrow night. I shouldn't be too hard right? I mean all they have to do is walk down a runway. Oh, and seduce a man. They're men, they should know what to do right?

Marko would be sitting front row as Armani is his bae so it's the best opportunity to catch his attention which shouldn't be hard for those three, I mean Omi said it, they're fucking hot pieces of male ass. They're not gay but still hot as sin and that's good enough for me.

I'll tell them when we get to Paris, what's the worst that could happen?

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	13. Chapter 13

AN: Please note that this chapter was edited on the 22.05.2017. I changed a lot of the dialogue in this chapter and the progression of the events was altered as well. I wasn't happy with the flow of the story and decided to change it up. Most of chapter 14 will also be rewritten as well. Thank you for all your continued support and patience. I'm leaving the original author's note and warnings.

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AN: Happy New Year!

Listen to 'Starboy' by The Weekend for the runway scene. "Everyday" by Ariana Grande feat. Future for drunk scene.

.

Disclaimer :I do not own Naruto

This chapter is Rated M for graphic language and adult content. Read at your own risk.

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Sasuke

We are all sitting around a table back at the safe house discussing the mission to acquire a target for questioning on the Otsutsuki's whereabouts.

I'm quietly listening to Sakura's plan, not saying a word as she explains, and I can't help but wonder what exactly she's instructing us to do because from where I'm sitting, she wants us to get the target to take Naruto, Neji and I to his room.. All four of us… using whatever means necessary...all four of us...male...in a room...whatever means necessary…

Oh fuck me...

Is she really saying what I think she's saying? I cross my arms and glanced at Neji. His arms are crossed and his ears are tinged red. At least I'm not the only one disturbed by this, I could bet money he is cursing Sakura in seven different languages for what she wants us to do. I wish I could say the same for my idiot best friend though because he looks all on board for what she's suggesting. He can't be that stupid..right?

Of course he's THAT stupid! Who the fuck am I trying to convince?

He has a serious look on his face and he nods occasionally as Sakura speaks. The fucking idiot has no clue what she's asking him to do does he?

This must have been why she insisted on taking us to that salon. She was sprucing us up for that man, making us look.. pretty.. for this mission. This mission is important but there's no way in fucking hell am I, Sasuke Uchiha, seducing a fucking man!

"You three will be seducing a man" she says finally.

Silence…

"Sakura, have you lost your fucking mind? I am not dangling my cock in front of another man in hopes that he takes us to his room " I said matter-of-factly.

"I 100% agree with the Uchiha, this is absurd." Neji adds a little more strongly

We wait for Naruto to say throw in his disagreement but the fucking idiot stays abnormally quiet.

"Why is this absurd? Is this something men are excluded from?" Sakura asks slightly annoyed at our defiance.

"I am a straight man, I can't speak for Neji…"

"Hey! I'm 180 straight motherfucker!" Neji shouts out

"How do you expect us to seduce another man?"

"You guys are a bunch of pussies! This would be the easiest thing we could do, just bat some eyelashes, so a little skin, lay on the charm and we good! Sakura is the one with the difficult job, she has to sneak in through the vents and wait for our signal."

Oh good god he should have just kept his mouth shut!

"I knew it. I fucking knew you had the hots for the sausage. All the Sasuke chasing you were doing as a kid wasn't normal but did I listen to my gut? Noooooooooo..I just let you come in with your blue eyed cock mongering-self and date my innocent little cousin.."

"Hun, he was very persistent.." I muttered

"Hey!"

"Always chasing after you and begging for you to come back like a scene in one of Lord sixth's perverted books" Neji continued

"Not even I was that persistent now that you mentioned it.." Sakura admitted

"Sakura-chan, not you too!"

"I'm just gonna sip my tea" Omi says as she looked back and forth at our exchange.

"This one time, I caught him digging through my underwear drawer.. It was 2:00am in the morning." I added as I recalled the strange encounter.

"No way! I caught him doing the same thing to me! God God, he must be some boxer sniffing pervert!" Neji yells

"I was sleep walking, I swear! I wasn't sniffing nobody's boxers!"

"Oh Naruto honey, that's not helping" Omi interjected while trying (and failing) to contain her laughter.

"Gay even in your sleep.." I add

"I'm not into guys you idiots, so what if I sleep walked into your rooms and dug through your underwear drawer and so what if I brushed Neji's hair that one time and so what if I think Sasuke is extremely good looking, have you seen Sasuke? He's fucking hot as sin who wouldn't want to do his sexy ass?" Naruto yelled

"preach my brother, accept your inner unicorn and ride the rainbows like a stiff co..."

"Omi! Please do not finish that sentence!" Sakura yelled

"I certainly do not want to have anything to do with his ass or cock! Have you seen the size that monster? It would destroy my ass before I even dropped my pants! Honestly, I don't even know how Sakura takes it all.." Neji argued

"Kinda gross, but now I'm intrigued .." Omi mutters

"She takes every fucking inch just fine so do not concern yourself with my cock."

"Sasuke-kun, please don't..." Sakura says as her face turns beet-red from embarrassment.

"Oooh do tell"

"Stop it Omi! I know what you're doing"

"What?" She says feigning innocence.

"Stop imagining me taking Sasuke's.."

"You guys got it twisted, gay men like Marko would be more attracted to straight men like us you idiots! We just have to be straight with a bit of a curve and boom, we got him dattabayo!" Naruto yelled as he cut across what Sakura was just going to say. It a good thing too, she looks so beautiful when she's all embarrassed.

"Naruto is right. Just be yourselves, get him to invite you to his suite and we're in!" Sakura says as she high fives Naruto.

Just be ourselves?

Me: "No"

Neji: "No"

Naruto: "I'm game"

Omi: "How big are we talking here people, is it pornstar big or circus freak big?"

Sakura: "Then it's settled; as captain of this mission, Sasuke, Naruto and Neji will acquire the target. We leave for Paris in the next two hours.

Omi: You really not gonna answer me huh. Damm.

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Naruto

The Grand Palais des Champs-Élysées

Paris

My first seduction mission!

I have to admit that this is not how I saw my first ever seduction mission going but hey, I'm not complaining.

Sakura says he doesn't like them super fruity, so Neji would have to let Sasuke and I do the talking.

Sakura already split from us when we landed, right now she's heading straight to his hotel to get in position. Omi has arranged for a limo to pick us up and we're currently on our way to the fashion show.

So far so good. The city is… breathtakingly beautiful. The lights sparkle like Hinata's eyes in the moonlight.. God I miss her! I didn't complain about seducing a man because honestly, I just wanna finish this mission and get back home to her.

Sasuke and Neji is still pissed but they'll pull themselves together once we get to the location.. Hopefully.

As we're driving to the fashion show, the really cool high tech earpiece crackles to life and I hear Omi's smooth accent over the speaker.

"Almost showtime boys. Remember, when you get there, you would be ushered immediately to the changing rooms where you would be prepared for the runway. I sent you pictures of Marko on your phones, memorize it, then delete it. He would be seated in the front row and don't worry about meeting him, he'll come to you."

"How are you sure he'll come to us?" Neji asks

"oh, trust me, he wouldn't be able to resist. You guys just go with the flow, let the stylists do their thing and absolutely no complaints about the outfits they dress you in, just shut up and rock it."

"its just clothes, how bad can it be?" Neji asks

His question was met with silence on Omi's end. I don't like the sound of that silence. I have only known her for a short period of time but my gut tells me that that silence is not fucking good.

The place the fashion show is being held is fucking awesome! I've never seen anything like it; the humans of this world sure know how to build stuff.

The place already has a crowd gathering, there is a massive red carpet and people are stopping to get their photos taken. So many things are happening at the same time I don't even notice the car stopping somewhere to the back and we're being rushed through hallways where people are getting dressed and running around half naked.

I know I was all game for this but I'm not super pumped to expose my junk to a bunch of people. I'm no Uchiha sex God but I've got a pretty decent sized steak going on and I don't want anymore cockhounds to deal with. Those bitches be straight trippin dattabayo!

We are ushered to a large room where there are a shit ton of people running around with clothes racks, rows of dressing tables with large lighted mirrors and a lot of men.

So many men.

Lots and lots of men of varying types of hotness. Don't get me wrong, I'm not into dudes, I'm just comfortable with my sexuality to appreciate a good looking guy ya'know.

We get shuffled of to different sections and soon I'm surrounded by a bunch of people stripping me, putting shit in my hair and face, strapping on some metal stuff on me.. wait.. Is that a garbage bag? I thought fashion shows had clothes involved? Where are the clothes?

"Alright boys, line up!" a lady with a clipboard screams out. I'm shuffled to a line of dudes in some strange looking mechanical stuff which could never be fucking clothes cause no matter how strange this world is, I haven't seen anyone wearing shit like this on the streets.

Suddenly something catches my eyes..

No. Fucking. Way.

"Don't you dare fucking laugh Naruto." Omi's voice booms in my ear just as I'm about to burst out laughing.

"Oh my god Omi, are you seeing this shit? oh fuck my ass, please tell me you're getting footage of this!"

"I hacked in to the security system, I'm recording the entire thing hehehehehe."

My eyes were starting to tear up and my chest was hurting from holding in my laughter. I can't fucking believe what I just saw!

Sasuke Uchiha. Bad as fuck, killing machine, avenger, emotionally retarded Sasuke Uchiha is wearing a trash bag like a baby's diaper!

I wasn't ready!

To top off the outfit (if you could even call it that) he's wearing some kind of metallic looking gloves reaching all the way to his shoulders on both arms and the one side of his hair has been slicked to the side looking like I hit him with a rasengan.

Ohmyfuckinggod I want to die! This is too much! Wait.. If Sasuke is wearing this, what is Neji wearing and where is he? I haven't seen him since we got dressed and he's not in the line.

Soon my earpiece crackles again and and I hear Sasuke's menacing voice in my head.

"Sakura Uchiha, if you can hear me please know that I have a chidori with your name on it."

"Hehe, its not that bad Sasuke-kun...hehe"

"I'm going to murder you when this is over. I hope Naruto has a nice eulogy prepared for your sorry ass. You know what, scratch that. Kakashi will be handling the eulogies as Naruto will be joining you in the afterlife"

"Me? I'm not doing anything." I whisper innocently as I looked around to make sure no one sees me talking to myself.

"we're all connected on the same frequency dumbass."

"Ohhhhh, I see. Hey if you're in a diaper, what do you think Neji is wearing?"

"It can't be worse than what either of us has on. Let's just get this over with."

"over and out hot stuff"

"fuck you"

He's right, we're on a mission so I turn my head forward and prepare myself to strut my sexy ass on the catwalk. Fuck, I'm wearing something similar to Sasuke but I still look hot as fuck so nothing they tease me with could offend me; Sasuke and Neji on the other hand has too much pride shoved up their ass. This will do them more good than harm I think.

The lights get dimmed and I see a silhouette of something with massive wings getting lowered from the ceiling and a huge applause rings out. A song with a upbeat bass blasts through the speakers and the line starts moving. I'm so pumped in my garbage bag diaper!

It's my turn soon...I hope I'm hot enough to attract this Marko guy. I'm almost to the curtains now. If I don't attract him, I know Sasuke could do it. Hey, thats it! I'll just channel my inner Sasuke. Yea!

I keep my face straight and try my best to look as sexy and as emo as possible so I close my eyes and focus my energy to be as Sasuke as I possibly can and I make my entrance!

Wow! This is fucking awesome!

Cameras are flashing and people cheering as I walk. When I get to the end of the runway, I strike a super hot pose and turn to walk back.

I nearly lost it…

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

May your dignity rest in peace Neji Hyuga.

The poor guy, I almost feel sorry for him…...almost.

He's suspended from the ceiling with huge metallic wings, and a metallic thing is covering only his junk and black plastic bags are tied to his feet like little booties. I keep my face straight till I get behind the curtain where I fucking lose it!

I'm laughing so hard I don't even hear Sasuke coming up behind me laughing just as hard as I am. I don't think i've ever heard Sasuke laugh in my entire life but he's laughing now! We're both hunched over laughing like lunatics, even Omi is laughing on the ear piece.

"I just zoomed up on his face, he looks like something got shoved up his ass!"

"Again?" Sasuke choked out

"I'm dead!" I said between laughter

"I'm in position guys, what's so funny?" Sakura asked as she joined the conversation

"Neji"

"Damm, wished I was there to see it!"

"I'm recording."

"Thank you!"

"Wait, everything?"

"Yes Sasuke, everything. Even that diaper your rocking. They must have used an extra large bag for the snuffleupagus you got going on there."

"Guys, hate to break this up, but we need to focus."

"Go get changed, the show is almost over. He'll definitely make contact with you in the after party. You boys did good."

"Thanks Omi"

"hun"

We get shuffled off to the back somewhere where we were dressed in some nice looking suits. Looks like it's time to party!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sasuke

"It's going to be fun" she said "After parties are fucking lit."

Lit my fucking ass. The only thing that's going to be lit is this building when I set it on fire. I have been hit on, touched and propositioned by nearly everyone except the target in this room and I am reaching by limit.

There was a reason I was never used as 'bait' in these kinds of missions. My homicidal side tends to rear his head quite quickly. I was warned before I left to keep it together as acts of violence against 'famous people' is frowned upon.

I really don't understand why because I would be doing everyone a fucking favor if I evaporated this annoying bitch from the face of this earth. What kind of name is Ariana Grande anyways. The kid looks like a prostitute who is in serious need of a sandwich.

"Not into jailbait, please fuck off."

"Excuse me? Do you know how many donuts I've licked..…"

I turn my back and just ignore the mouse as she squeaks cuss words at me. Hopefully she takes a hint, I would hate to punch a kid in the face. You know what, no one's looking, Ill just knock her out...

"Sasuke Uchiha, don't you dare punch Ariana Grande in the face" Omi's voice whispers in my earpiece.

I bring my glass up to my mouth so no one sees my lips moving. "Hun, fine."

I can't believe I let Sakura talk me into this shit. When we get home, to our real home, I so going to fuck a baby into her.

"Neji, cease your pussy crying this instant! I just spotted Marko coming in the west entrance. Naruto, get ready." Omi announced.

Im currently positioned at the bar with Neji. Poor guy has been sipping on his tears for a minute now. I kinda feel sorry for him so I'll wait till we're home before I start ripping him a new one. The only one who's taking this joke of a mission seriously is Naruto. For a dope, he sure caught on quickly. He's currently speaking ( Uchiha's don't say flirt) with some guy with purple hair.

I spot Marko making his way to us. Guess Omi was right, we're cock bait. My ancestors is most likely rolling in their graves. The last heir to our clan, in a bar and is about to seduce a man. I might have to sacrifice a goat to appease them. I looked up and caught a glimpse of the infamous Marko.

For some strange reason, I was expecting the guy to look colorful. His hair was cropped low and wore an expensive suit, similar to what I'm wearing actually. His skin was slightly darker than Omi's and his accent different, kind of like what Sakura sounded like when she said the password. What makes me uncomfortable is his very Orochimaru-esque smile.

Oh well, if I could survive that pervert, I can survive this.

I give Naruto the signal and wait for Marko to make his move. I know he'll come straight to me, I am the hottest one here after all. Hopefully he's into dick heads… scratch that thought. Scratch that thought from the fucking existence of all thoughts.

I count to ten and wait to turn on my superior Uchiha charm (just being an asshole, no pun intended) on the unsuspecting victim.

"I must say, your performance on stage was awe inspiring." Marko says seductively. I was about to respond when he bypassed me and went straight for Neji.

What the actual fuck!

"Let me buy you a drink. I'm Marko by the way, and you are?"

"Uh.. Umm..Neji?"

"Neji. So exotic."

I don't know whether to be offend or relieved, so I would just settle on relieved.

" Showtime boys. Go get your man!"

Definitely going to need therapy after this. I hope Sakura is prepared for parenthood.

"Tell me Neji, are you here solo?"

"Not exactly. I'm here with my boys. Allow me to introduce you." he respond calmly. He made a quick recovery at his momentary loss of words at being the first get approached by the enigmatic man.

"Way to go Neji! You're a natural!" Omi cheered.

"The gloomy cloud of darkness is Sasuke and the sunshine princess over there is Naruto."

"Charmed." he smirked. Naruto took his cue and flashed him a sensuous smirk. He upped the ante by caressing my shoulder as he floated to Marko's side.

"Its a pleasure to meet you Marko-san." he said huskily as he turned Marko's hand in his so he can place a delicate kiss on his knuckles.

"Naruto, you got game! Damm boi!"

Seriously? What the fuck is all this! Fine, if that's how this is going to go then Marko better hold on to his pants because he's about to get it. No way is the dope out sexing me!

I schooled my face back into its icy perfection before I tilted my head in acknowledgement, allowing my alluring eyes to peek through my lush black bangs.

"Marko" I let his name linger on my lips, like a sweet caress and dripping with sex. Hook. Line, and sinker. No one brushes off and Uchiha.

"Bruh….that should be fucking illegal! I said seduce him not get him pregnant."

His pupils are dilated, skin flushed and heart rate increased. Time to shut this shit down. I have a wife to impregnate. "Order shots of Liquid Cocaine. Don't worry, it's just goldschlager and jager and its Marko's favorite." Omi advised into my ear. I don't know much about this world's alcohol beverages but if this guy can handle it then so can we.

"Four shots of Liquid Cocaine." I said to the bartender as Naruto and Neji entertained our target.

"Sure mate, I'll look out for your pictures in the newsprint tomorrow. Enjoy." Huh? What the hell was that about?

"So how do you know each other?" Marko asked while we waited for the bartender to finish my order.

"Sasuke and I have been item since forever and Neji joined in on the fun about a year ago. As you can see, we're a friendly bunch who is very open to meeting new, and interesting people." Naruto drawled.

"Four shots of liquid cocaine. There are condoms and a rape whistle in the bathroom if you're in need."

Huh?

"Oooooo my favorite. Cheers to meeting new and interesting people." We downed the cinnamon flavored drink in one go.

Wow...this feels...interesting..

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sakura / Omi

"Omi?"

"Yes my beautiful cherry blossom?"

"Tell me if I'm wrong; did you just suggest that they shot Liquid Cocaine? While on a dangerous mission?"

"I may have"

"Oh good. I was worried for a second."

"Girl, they gonna be fine!"

"I know they will be fine. Do you want to know why I know they'll be fine?"

"Not really..."

"I know they'll be fine because if anyone of them gets their butt turned inside-out then I'm fucking holding you and your hair accountable."

"Aye, it ain't even like dat. Why you gotta bring my hair into this?"

"Why did you tell Sasuke to order Liquid fucking Cocaine? Are you fucking insane? Don't answer that...Do you remember what happened the last time that devil drink was in our system?"

"I can't recall actually"

"Exactly! We burned down a sorority house and danced naked in a fountain!"

"Oh fuck, what have I done!"

"You gave the demon drink to three ninjas. One of which actually has a fucking legit demon sealed inside of him."

"Ohhh fuck noooooo" Omi exclaims.

"You don't give a fuck do you?"

"Not.ONE.Fuck"

"Alright bitch. Keep laughing and I promise you I'll be laughing over your lifeless body bitch."

"Still don't give a fuck."

"And you wonder why I'm your only friend."

"You know you love me boo boo."

"I'm in position. Heading down the vent now."

"Roger that. His room is not far, motherfucker booked the penthouse suite. I'll guide you once you're in."

"Over and out."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sasuke/Naruto/Neji

Sasuke: OhfuckIcan'tfeelmyface! Lights are flashing, its hot..i'm so sweaty...holy fuck I'm sweating out my Uchiha sexiness..better take my shirt off.

Neji: I'm having so much fun! . Ever! Wait, who touched my butt?

Naruto: Ohmygooooddddddddddd I love this song! HE GIVING ME THAT GOOD SHIT

Marko: THAT MAKE ME NOT QUIT, HE GIVE IT TO ME.

Sasuke: EVERYDAY! EVERYDAY! EVERYDAY!

Neji: OH HE GIVE IT TO ME..

Sasuke: EVERYDAY! EVERYDAY! EVERYDAY!

Marko: Hey, I have something I would love to show you guys, its in my penthouse!

Neji: Is it enough for all three of us?

Naruto: Sasuke, where is your shirt?

Marko: Forget the shirt. Its all going to come off anyways. Follow me boys…

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	14. Chapter 14

_AN: OMG, I know this was loooooonnng overdue! Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoy it! Please please review!_

 _Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

 _Sakura_

 _Fuck this vent is tight!_

 _Fucking Omi (grunts) encouraging three idiots (grunts) to fucking drink the hard stuff (grunts)._

Finally reaching the hatch that would grant me access to Marko's penthouse suite, I paused for a cause and catched my breath. While the boys were partying away in the warm confines of the _The Grand Palais des Champs-Élysées,_ I was in a vent. In a fucking wearing a skin-tight bodysuit. Just climbed 2 stories up then sideways in 20 fucking minutes while sweat was dripping down my ass! Only to realize that Ms. Fucking Omi was busy jeopardizing this mission buy getting the boys pissing fucking drunk!

" _Yo girl, chill! I could hear your teeth grinding! That shit is fucking gross.!"_

"I will not chill you crazy bitch! I hope you have a back-up plan for when everything goes to shit!"

" _Bitch you tripping. Of course I have a back-up plan! It's like you don't even know me at all. You know none of your plans go accordingly right? Some fucked up shit was bound to go down and I would have to bail your ungrateful ass out..again. I just figured I would beat you to it, ya'know, speed things along."_

"You know what...you are so fucking petty! You really need to let Budapest go. We got a truck load of solid gold bars and a handful of wonderful memories..."

" _Yea, those wonderful memories is costing me a fortune in therapy! This chat was nice and we could resume when you and your band of merry fuckers are out of Marko's sex dungeon.."_

"Wait wait wait WAIT. Hold. The. Fuck. Up. Sex dungeon?"

" _Ohh, hehehehe. Yeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh about that…"_

"Oh hells no you did not offer three drunk asses (literally) to a depraved lunatic with a sex dungeon! I promised Neji he wouldn't get raped, now you've turned me into a breaker of promises. I hope you're happy with yourself!" Oh this is bad. This is really really bad.

"Quit being dramatic. They've only been in there for fifteen minutes tops. Aren't they supposed to be super ninjas or something? What's the worst that could happen?"

Famous last words.

" _Break through the vent as quietly as you can manage. That will give you access to a laundry chute that's connected to that room. I don't have any visuals in there so you would be going in blind."_

Awesome. This just keeps getting better and better.

I fish out a capsule Tsunade gave me before we left Konoha. It was a prototype she has been working on and wanted me to test it out. Once the special seal gets broken, and its contents gets poured on any solid surface, it would melt away anything it comes in contact with. A simple one-handed seal will stop the melting once the job gets done.

I got into the chute and started climbing up. My chakra infused fingertips made sure I made no sound when climbing. I reached the sliding door in record time but paused momentarily before stepping in the 'dungeon'.

With my throat in my stomach and Satan's bride snickering in my ear, I entered Marko's den of sex and depravity.

" _One thousand galleons if you walk in on some human centipede shit hahahahaha hahaha …"_

I can not answer her for two reasons.

One. Galleons is Harry Potter currency and have no value in the muggle world so a bet would be fruitless.

And Two. I cannot answer because the scene I have stepped into has rendered me speechless.

The worst is happening…

Xxxxxxxxxx

Oh. FUCK!

Im so confused. Do I stop this madness by knocking out Marko and freeing them or do I wait and see how this plays out?

My conscience loses. Honestly it didn't have a chance. Don't even know why I have one.

I want to be angry at Omi for her Slytherin-esque tactics but I can't help marveling at her genius. A wicked smirk replaces replaces my shocked expression as I flick on the micro camera attached to the mask covering my face.

I stepped back a little more so that I can capture the moment at a better angle. This has blackmail written all over it! I will milk this for the rest of their lives hehe hehe.

" _Well it's not human centipede but this will do. I'm recording a live feed and copies will be made and hidden for future use."_

Ahhh, she gets me.

Now I just bet you guys are wondering what the fuck is going on. Don't worry I'll spill the tea; monologue style. Why? Simply because one does not stumble across Konoha's best stripped bare, gagged and bound in various _compromising_ positions all the while _Ave Maria_ is playing in the background as Marko diggs through a black chest of god knows what.

I'll start with Sasuke first. My husband dearest is hogtied, gagged and blindfolded on the large bed. He is struggling but his movements are sluggish. Hopefully his chakra burns out the alcohol quickly.

Naruto. Sweet Naruto. Is tied to a 'X' cross naked as the day he was born with nipple clamps dangling from his chest. Poor guy.

Neji Neji Neji. At least you didn't get rapped, but from the looks of things, you were about to. Poor Neji is strapped to a chair spread eagled. That's not so bad. Unfortunately the sex machine with a wicked looking dildo attached to it was inches away from his 'stranger danger' no touch zone. Smoke was coming out of the machine so it looks like it must have broken down. Maybe that's what Marko was looking for in the chest.

" _This is fucked up on soooooo many levels. I hope you got some good therapists in that ninja place cause they about to get three new clients."_

I nod in agreement. Therapy will definitely be needed. I record a few more seconds of my team's humiliation before silienty stepping behind Marko.

His head whips around when he heard my knuckles crack. Unfortunately the dildo he tried to attack me with was no match for my fist. He went down like log.

"Alright boys. Playtime is over."

Naruto: Sakura-chan, he gave it to me (sniff sniff)

Sasuke : Everyday

Neji : Everyday

Xxxxxxxxxx

Before unting the gleesome threesome I used my chaka to help burn out the alcohol in their systems. It was taking way too long for it to clear out and time is off the essence, they need to be clear headed when they realise their current state of undress, strictly for humiliation purposes of course. Oh and to successfully escape this building with a knocked out pervert who still has a hard on. Impressive.

Sakura: "I trust you have learnt your lesson."

Sasuke: "Yea. Chidori Omi fist chance I get."

Naruto: "Don't drink anything that Omi suggests."

Neji: "You are going to get molested on missions with Sakura."

 _Omi: "And don't you forget it bitches!"_

Sakura: alright, anyone got penetrated? Any tingling sensations in and around your butholes? Come, we're all friends here.

Sasuke, Neji and Naruto: -_-

Sakura: OK, now that we've learnt our lessons, let's say we get the fuck out of here. Omi, how things looking out there?

 _Omi: The elevator has two armed guards and the stairwells are crawling with more. Have no fear baby girl, I got one hell of a distraction timed out. Let the boys put back on the clothes they were wearing at the after-party. I packed an appropriate outfit for you with a wig. Get dressed when you're finished with Marko. Oh, you have 10 minutes before your window closes._

Sakura: 10 minutes? No problem.

Neji: Hurry and fucking get me out of this fucking chair! I swear when we get back I am filing a complaint against you! Never! In all the years I have trained as a shinobi….

Naruto: Yo. Calm your tits bro.

Sasuke: It could have been worse. Orochimaru was not here with Kabuto.

Naruto: What the actual fuck Sasuke! Try not to mention those two pedos while I have clamps on my nips ok."

I unstrapped Neji first as he was in the most uncomfortable position. I moved on to Marko while the boys put their clothes and dignity back on. Stooping down, I fish out a syringe filled with some mild sedatives (horse tranquilizer) and inject it straight into his neck. I can't risk him waking up enroute to my Paris hideout.

Not wasting time, I stripped down and donned the little white number Omi packed for me. Wig in place and nude 4 inch heels on, I turn to my three gawking teammates and one knocked out pervert still with a raging hard on. _Marko was seriously going to share some sausage tonight._

"Sakura-chan, I am having inappropriate thoughts about you right now. I love you like a sister but I'm too turned on to care."

Naruto was quickly punched on head from a very angry Sasuke. Great, my vagina is going to pay for this later. Can't wait.

" _I would move your ass if I were you guys."_

As she spoke, a series of explosions rang out. _Explosions!_

"Omi you idiot! His guards will come straight here to evacuate him!"

" _Ooohhhhhhh yeeeaaaaa. My bad"_

"How is it you managed to survive this long is beyond me." Sasuke says as he grabs Marko and stormed out..

Well, at least I'll look good when the shooting starts.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We made it to the lobby till the shooting started. It was utter fucking chaos….and I loved every moment of it!

The boys handled themselves well for their first shoot out. They aren't the best for nothing hehehe.

" _There is a sweet looking BMW outside, get your ass in that car and get the fuck out. More po po is about to show up"_

"I'M DRIVING" Sasuke yelled with a wicked gleam in his eyes. I couldn't argue as I was dodging bullets left and right.

Naruto: "WHAT! YOU'VE NEVER DRIVEN BEFORE TEME! OMG SAKURA-CHAN HE'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!"

Neji: "WHO THE FUCK CARES! MY BUTT VIRGINITY WAS ALMOST STOLEN TODAY, DOES ANYONE GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT?!"

Naruto: "BRUH, YOUR BUTT VIRGINITY WAS STOLEN BY A BEARDED LADY AT THE FUCKING AIRPORT. GET (bang bang bang). OVER.(bang bang) YOURSELF! (bang bang bang)

Sasuke: "Yea,(bang bang bang) but its not 'stolen' if he enjoyed it."

Sakura: "NEJI! (discards body as human shield..bang bang) USE YOUR FUCKING DOJUTSU AND END THIS!"

It looked like a scene straight out of the fucking Matrix! Neji, completely tired with 'almost' being butt raped, went ape shit on these chiggas! Bodies were dropping left and right as we made our way to the car.

Thank fuck the keys were still in the ignition when we jumped in. And here I thought shit like that only happened in the movies.

" _Omg guys! I got the perfect 'car chase' song!"_ Omi squealed into the our ears as the tuners in the car started powering up.

Naruto: How the fuck is she even doing this?

Sakura: Bitch got mad skills yo

Neji: COULD WE GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?!

Sasuke: Tch

Omi: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!

BEST. CAR CHASE. EVER!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 _AN: HEY, me again! The song mentioned are as follows:_

 _Car Chase: "Turn Down for What remix feat 2 Chainz, Juicy J & French Montana" _

_Sex Dungeon: 'Ave Maria' (Hitman)_

 _Shoot Out: 'City on Lockdown' YellowClaw feat. Lil Debbie & Juicy J_

 _Drunk Scene: 'Everyday' Ariana Grande_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 _AN: I have a million excuses on my finger tips as to why it has taken me so long to update, but I'll spare you. Read. Review. Enjoy._

 _ **DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO. THIS FIC IS RATED M. THERE IS A LOT OF CURSING.**_

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sakura

Getting shot at in an epic car chase...

"I'VE BEEN SHOT, I'VE BEEN SHOT DATTABAYO! Naruto screamed at the top off his lungs as we wized through the bustling streets of Paris, dodging pedestrians and other vehicles oh, and the bullets of course. Let's not forget about the barrage of bullets Marko's team and the cops are sharing. Honestly, this was getting ridiculous! Why aren't they running out of bullets? You would swear we're in a fucking Bad Boys movie!

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M TRYING TO KILL PEOPLE HERE!" I yelled as killed three of Marco's goons. _Nothing like some head shots and a car chase in the evening._

"OH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKK IT HURTS. I'M GONNA DIE IN THIS SHITHOLE!" Naruto screamed as Sasuke drove like a beast through the city. He swerved sharply and suddenly as he rounded a corner, causing the car to almost flip. Neji and I braced ourselves but the wailing man-child that is Naruto Uzumaki didn't.

I laughed like a maniac when he was tossed about like a rag doll causing him to land face-first in Marco's exposed butt crack.

"AAAAARRH!" He screamed in a pitch reminiscent of Ino when confronted with a roach. "I FUCKING TASTED HIS ASS, SAKURA JUST FUCKING KILL ME! I DON'T WANNA LIVE ANYMORE! HOW CAN I BE HOKAGE KNOWING THE TASTE OF ASS!"

"GVIE ME YOUR GUN YOU USELESS IDIOT!" Neji yelled as he flung his empty weapon out the window, hitting the head of one of our chasers square in the head, causing him to fall unconscious out of the car. This was made easy as the car he was in had no door. Now the car has no driver as one of my bullets hit him in the throat. And now there was a pile up of cars as the driverless car crashed and blocked the road. Things were not looking good for our chasers to say the least.

" _All right Sasuke, I think you've lost them. You can kind of slow down now. You will have to dump this car and steal another before you get to the safe house. Sakura knows the way, I'm gonna get the room ready for our guest of honor"_ Omi said ominously through the radios. She did a marvelous job of guiding Sasuke through his first car chase.

"I am never going on a mission with your fucking team! Do you hear me Sakura? Fucking Never!" Neji screamed. Like seriously, what the everloving fuck is his problem? Naruto is crying like a bitch and now Neji is having a bitch fit!

"Can't anyone just appreciate the most awesome fucking car chase we just had and bask in the smell of gunpowder and burnt rubber like normal people?" I asked, throwing my hands in the air in disbelief at their ungrateful attitudes.

"Wha.. are you fucking kidding me!? I was nearly raped by a psycho you crazy bitch!" Neji screamed and he tossed his gun, hitting Naruto directly on his supposed gunshot wound.

"Yea, but did you die?" I countered sarcastically. I swore his hair was fizzing with rage and my brilliantly timed clapback. I was very tempted to ask if it would have even bee rape, but the guy has been through enough so I'll spare him... _for now._

"Hun, I appreciated it Sakura." Sasuke adds, I think just to piss Neji off more.

"EXCUSE ME, BUT I'M FUCKING DYING HERE!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP NARUTO!" we all yelled in unison.

"Look, let's just calm all our tits, ditch this car and head to the safe house humm. The mission is still in progress." I say in my most calming diplomatic voice.

"Fine" Neji pouted.

"Fine" Sasuke muttered.

"FINE!" Naruto shouted.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Naruto

After we lost the ninjas of this world (police officers or the popo) and ditched to bullet ridden car for a 'less conspicuous' car, Sakura guided Sasuke to an apartment in a building looking like the one Sakura has in that other place. I can't remember the name exactly or properly describe this new place because I'VE BEEN FUCKING SHOT! So excuse me for not being aptly descriptive.

"Quit being a lil bitch Naruto, it's just a graze." Sakura grumbled as she slung me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Feeling slightly put out by not receiving the much deserved attention for my life threatening injury and being 'Sakura-handled' like a cheap whore, I did what I do best; annoy the fuck out of Sakura or Sasuke till one of them reacts. Fuck, if I'm miserable, who the hell am I to deny them some misery as well?

I've had a pretty shit fucking day ya'know. I've been dressed in a garbage bag diaper, seduced a man, drank a cinnamon concoction from hell and got shitfaced, nearly been ass raped and now I've BEEN SHOT! A little sympathy would be fucking appreciated!

"HEY TEME! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Nice try dope, I just 'Fast and the Furious' the fuck out of that car and I'm too much in a good mood to get it ruined by your miserable ass." Sasuke says as he and Neji carry the still unconscious Marko out of the trunk.

"Wow teme, a full sentence. Don't hurt yourself." He flipped me off and gets in the moving metal box, holding the door open for Sakura. He didn't care that he dumped the naked 6ft tall, bulky and oh so very naked man on Neji to be chivalrous to his wife.

"Sasuke-kun, could you hit the red button to take us down? My hands are a bit full. Holding a lil bitch is hard work ya know"

"Ugh Sakura-chan, aren't we 'down' already?" We were in what Sakura called, a _parking lot,_ which was under the massive building.

"Oh, yea. I had a special rooms built when I bought the building. The above is a just some boring office space, the real fun is down below." She says impishly. I don't like it when she says shit like that. I would say 'I could feel in im my bones' but I can't because I'VE BEEN FUCKING SHOT!

"That's great Sakura-chan, by chance do you have some lube down there?." I say sweetly. She shakes her little pink head and waits for me to elaborate."Because I would like to shove that useless information up your ass!"

"Tch, 5 minutes in a sex dungeon and you want to shove something up someone's ass." Sasuke muttered.

"Well pardon me if I didn't spend quality time with pedos in Sound like you teme! This sure must bring back all the fun times of Orochimaru teaching you his five palm snake stroke technique and braiding your hair in his little den of horrors."

"Naruto, I feel you man. You've had a traumatic experience. But you know what you gotta do when life gets you down?" Finally some sympathy! I knew Sakura-chan would understand.

"What Sakura-chan?"

" _Just keep swimming, just keep swimming_ " she sang and she walked out of the elevator.

"What the actual fuck Sakura-chan!"

" _Just keep swimming swimming swimming. What do you do you swim! La lala lala._."

Well those two can go fuck themselves. I crossed my arms and pouted at their lack of obvious lack of emotion towards their best friend.

She walked and walked for what felt like forever until she stopped. I assume it's a door because right now the only view I've got is Sasuke's crotch. Great. Just what the doctor prescribed, more cock.

" _Password"_

"What the fuck Omi, its me. You fucking know its me, why are we still even doing this?"

" _Excuse me your royal bitchiness, but you came in here with your freaky ninja friends who could do shit I've read about only in mangas. Calm your fucking tits and give me the password."_

"She's got you there Sakura-chan. Hey, what is a manga?"

"Oh my god I'm surrounded by idiots. Fine _Mischief Managed_ happy now?"

"Why yes. I am pleased and you may enter."

"Thank you."

Those two are so weird. Always talking in their _best friend_ codes and laughing at their stupid inside jokes. I'm Sakura-chain's best friend. That crazy… hey what the.. Ow!

"free ride is over Naruto. Do me a solid and help Neji move Marco to the first room down the hall on the left. Thanks."

"What! Why the hell do I have to carry that Oorchimaru wanna-be with no hair huh? I have a piece of metal lodged somewhere in my body and Sasuke is fucking eating a banana! Where the fuck did you get a banana? I want one too"

"This is the last one."

"Would you stop bitching and come help me carry this beast! I have had enough of this crazy shit! You're not even bleeding you buffoon!"

"Hey! Fuck you...ohh you're right..hehehe.."

"Geezz Naruto, took you long enough to notice. You do remember that Kurma's chakra heals your wounds faster than I can right?" Sakura deadpans.

"Sooooo, where too Sakura-chan?"

"First door, down the hall on the left."

I take a quick look around to room while we head to the room Sakura said to go. The place is designed similarly like the other but smaller. There is a kitchen and some doors which must lead to bedrooms and a bath.

"Sakura-chan, aren't you forgetting something?" I asked as she took a bite of Sasuke's banana. Ew, gross. Now I can never eat bananas again.

"no but I'm sure you're going to fill me in"

"Don't sass me young lady!

"Don't ask dumb questions old buffoon"

"ha ha very funny. What do you plan to do with captain nipple clamps over here?" I gestured to the still knocked out naked man in my arms. Note to self, burn all my clothes and shower for the rest of the night.

"Torture him of course. What did you think I was gonna do? Paint his nails and talk about the woes of menstruating?"

"Oh, OK…..

…..

…..

"Wait! What!?"

"What?" she shrugs and walks into the dimly lit room.

Torture? My sweet little Sakura-chan is gonna torture someone? I know she killed people, heck I've killed loads of people and don't get me started on the teme's body count, but this is different. No life or death clean kill. This is ….

I walk into the room and freeze, dropping the heavy weight of Marco on Neji.

The room is cold, freezing cold. The smell of dried blood assaults my over sensitive nose. And then I notice the set-up. The room is bare except for a table with instruments, a wooden chair with straps on the legs and arm rests. A bright tall standing lamp directed at said chair. Omi standing with her arms crossed in a full plastic jumpsuit with goggles on her forehead and plastic. Lots of plastic. Its on the floor, the walls, on the chair.

"Easy clean up, Naruto." she says as she walks over to her crazy friend.

"Who the fuck are you?" I whispered.

Her grin is sinister and her eyes are as cold as the blood now running in my veins.

"It's me Naruto, I'm the Legendary Sakura Haruno. How did you think I became legendary?"

Good question. It's a shame I wasn't able to ask. I couldn't ask as black closed in on me and I promptly fainted. Not like a bitch, I fainted like a man. I'm Uzumaki Naruto, I don't faint like no bitch. That's for Neji.

Xxxxxx

Sakura

Paris Hideout

 _How did you think I became legendary?_

How indeed.

So what if I'm not an upstanding citizen in this world like I was back in Konoha? So what if I wasn't a renowned doctor who saved thousands of lives? Like seriously, who the fuck is nowadays? The Sakura Naruto knew is long gone and in her place is a bad bitch who loves Harry Potter and won't hesitate to fuck a chigga up. I didn't get filthy rich and a legendary reputation by flouncing my medical skills. Nope, that I definitely did not. What I did do was lie, cheat, maim and kill my way up the proverbial ladder to get where I am.

And if we're being honest with ourselves, working as a child soldier in Konoha is basically the same thing. Only difference is that I've got a choice. I choose which jobs to take and which not to take. All my life risking missions were for my benefit and my bank account. My life wasn't put on the line for the sake of some poor old politician or lord. My life was mine. I don't know how I'm going to transition back into my old life as my new one has moulded me into who I've become today. I guess I'll cross that bridge later.

I should focus on the task at hand.

Good, old fashioned torture. _And in my own place too!_ Saves Omi and I the trouble of finding an abandoned shithole and no witnesses to you know... _take cake off.._

And to think, I nearly passed this place up. Omi must be feeling pretty fucking smug right about now.

"And you didn't want to buy this place. Look at how many uses we are getting out of it! This is what, our 10th 'guest? Now that's what I call good investments."

 _Yip, pretty fucking smug._

This hideout is a special one. Omi and I bought it a couple of years ago and fitted it with everything that would make Jigsaw jizz in his pants. The walls are thick and we're down low enough that gut wrenching screams would just be absorbed. This is one of the places I take the tough nuts to crack. Tough nuts like my buddy Marko. I'll have him singing harder than Beyonce when she realises her ugly ass man has the audacity to cheat on a queen like her, anyways let's not get carried away.

"Uhh, hey Omi, when did you get in?" Neji shyly asked.

"I flew in on my Nimbus 2001 just yesterday, it was a bit windy but I managed to "Slytherin" quite nicely if I do say so myself." Omi says primly. I snorted at the little HP reference that no doubt went right over Neji's head.

"Oh, that's nice. I trust your experience was better than mine." He says as he fixes Marco to the chair.

"I bet it was a "snitch" I added, because I just can't help myself when it comes to good ole wizarding fun.

"Golden" Omi says with a chuckle. " You wanna suit up or you good" she asked as I walked over to the table to check over tonight's choices.

"Oooooo you ain't playing tonight girl." I cooed as my fingers danced along the cool metal of the blades she has laid out. "I think I don't have much of a choice."

"Cool beans. You guys good or do you want to participate?" Omi asked. She shook her head as she lightly kicked at Naruto's foot. No response. "Ahhhh what you wanna do about this fool?"

"Meh."

"I thought you chiggs were big bad ninja? This guys has a fucking demon in his small intestine and faints at a little torture session. Sakura ain't even cut anything off yet!"

"Naruto is more of the bleeding heart type." Sasuke says quietly.

"And he's used to the old Sakura." I add. " The old me was a hero. Over here, I'm a villain. I will talk to him when the time is right. Right now, we have questions for a man who doesn't like to share his answers. Let's say we get his tongue wagging. Shall we?"

I watch as Omi injects Marco with some adrenaline to wake him up. I pick up a scalpel and fiddle with it, waiting for my guest of honor to wake.

I guess now my friends are going to see for themselves how I became legendary.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 _AN: Hope you enjoyed! Please know that I do try to update but my busy schedule is getting busier and busier by the day. I actually had half of this written a month ago and didn't get the time to finish till now._

 _Just know that I do not start things I can not finish, I'm way to fucking stubborn for that shit, so it would just take longer to finish. I can't say when exactly I'm going to update again but know that I will update and eventually finish this fic._

 _Please review if you wish! Thank you._


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